The prosecution: Janae
Nothing I do at the gym is good enough for my fitness-fanatic girlfriend and it’s making me feel inadequate
My girlfriend, Jenny, and I go to the gym together, and she’s constantly judging me while I’m working out. She moans at me and says: “All you do is go on your phone.” But I’m doing light exercises and chill workouts, whereas she goes hard every time with her high-interval training.
I’m not sure what her problem is; it’s not like I’m making her run slower by being on my phone. She often has a go at me and questions why I go with her. I say: “At least I’m bloody here.”
We go five times a week, though if it was up to me I’d probably only go twice. I don’t push hard every time, but I think that’s normal – and I can’t believe that me going five times a week isn’t good enough for Jenny. She makes out that I’m lazy.
Guys, including bodybuilders, come up to me in the gym and say: “Your girlfriend motivates me to go harder.” She loves that. Sometimes I try to join in with Jenny’s hardcore workouts, but she never praises me when I do. When I work out in a more chilled way, or I’m on my phone, she’ll come over and drop a snarky one-liner like, “Ha! Classic!”, then walk off. I find that triggering and we’ve had fights in the gym before. I hate it when she comes up behind me and watches what I’m doing on my phone, before making a comment. It’s like she’s spying. The gym should be a place for me to unwind, too.
Jenny prioritises the gym over everything. We’ve been together for a year and she’s always been like this. She will wake up early, do yoga, go for a run, then go to the gym. It’s unreal.
She wants a fitness-fanatic girlfriend, and I feel inadequate next to her at times. I’ll suggest going to grab a coffee or meeting people in the pub and she’ll make excuses, like “I don’t feel well.” I’ll reply: “Oh, so no gym then?” But she’ll still go. She needs to change tack or I’ll stop going.
The defence: Jenny
I like to be in and out in an hour, but Janae wastes so much time
I love going to the gym, but since I’ve been with Janae I’ve made sacrifices when it comes to how I work out. The gym is my happy place, somewhere I can just put headphones in and be stress-free. Working out makes me feel better about myself.
Janae also goes to the gym, but not in the same way as me. She comes to the gym to gossip with her friends, or waste time watching videos on her phone. I used to go to the gym at 7am, but Janae wants to go in the middle of the day or late at night. I prefer to get my exercise out of the way, and to relax in the evenings. Janae prefers to wake up late, have a coffee and go to the gym at 2pm. I think that is wasting the whole day, but I’m in a relationship with her so I compromise.
Sometimes, before we head out, Janae will say she doesn’t want to go, and I have to motivate her into getting there. I find that annoying. And when we get to the gym, Janae is often on her phone the whole time. I’ll offer to work out with her, but she’ll say she wants to do her own thing. But I’ll look over later and she’s not doing much.
I like to be in and out of the gym in an hour, but Janae wants to stay for two hours. I’ll be ready to leave and she’ll say: “Oh, can we stay longer, I haven’t worked out that much.”
I’ll say: “Of course you haven’t, that’s because you’ve been scrolling on your phone.” It’s not just me who thinks that Janae’s behaviour is ridiculous. She is known for wasting time. The personal trainers at the gym recognise us and often come over and ask: “Are you actually going to do anything today?”
Janae needs to get serious when she’s with me. We are both fit, healthy and toned. I am slightly obsessed with the gym – I just think that if you’re there you may as well be fully there and workout, rather than doing nothing. Why waste your time?
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Jenny leave Janae to her own workout routine?
Reading between the lines, I suspect Jenny has some deep-rooted insecurities that get triggered whenever she sees Janae going at a different pace. Insinuating that Janae is lazy is unhelpful: why doesn’t Jenny just go to the gym alone if it bothers her that much?
Tim, 41
Jenny is not guilty. The two of them have different approaches to the gym, so why not go separately? I understand they want to spend time with each other but it is making the experience less enjoyable for both of them.
Rachel, 37
It’s one thing to go to the gym together, another to try to force your partner to work out the same way you do. Jenny talks about compromise, but it sounds more like she views it as a sacrifice. Maybe you should let each other just get on with it, or even not work out together at all. These kind of judgmental remarks never foster a healthy relationship.
Lou, 28
Jenny should go to the gym when it suits her and do her own workout rather than imposing her habits on Janae. If Jenny doesn’t stop being so judgmental it will create further resentment and undermine their relationship.
Federico, 35
Jenny should stop making snide remarks. She has, however, made personal sacrifices so that they can go to the gym together. Janae is getting her endorphins from her phone, not from working out. So Janae should get off her phone or they should go separately.
Sam, 30
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Jenny leave Janae to her own workout routine?
The poll closes at 9am GMT on Thursday 25 May
Last week’s result
We asked if it’s OK for Raoul to take Omar’s favourite cafe table.
24% of you said yes – Raoul is guilty
76% of you said no – Raoul is innocent
