The prosecution: Ella
It’s just embarrassing walking around in the same outfit. It feels like we’re back at school
Aleesha and I have been friends since we were 11. I would say that out of the two of us, she is more of a wind-up merchant. She likes to be antagonistic and contrary for the sake of it, and thinks it’s hilarious if we go to a party in the same dress or jacket, whereas I find it cringe and weird. I just don’t get the whole idea of dressing like your mates.
It was a lot worse when we were younger. I’d choose a top or something I liked when we were out shopping, and Aleesha would say, “That’s so nice”, and buy the same one. When we were 16, we fell out over something like that. It doesn’t happen as much any more, but on big occasions, like a party, festival or friend’s wedding, she’ll come up to me and say, “Love your dress. Gonna have to buy the same one now!” She knows how much it winds me up.
Case in point: Glastonbury last year, when she pulled out the same zebra-print jacket as me. I don’t know why she does it. It’s just embarrassing walking around in the same outfit. I like to be different, I like to feel my choices and fashion sense are my own.
After I bought it, I’d told her about it on a call, then she went and got the same outfit behind my back without telling me. Is that not strange? I don’t like feeling as if we are back at school.
Antonia, a friend of ours, then started adding fuel to the fire by saying, “Oh, now what are you two going to do? People will get you confused.” They were winding me up and it took about 15 minutes for me to see that I probably was reacting unreasonably. But I’d spent weeks planning my outfits and the thought of Aleesha piggy-backing off my well-laid plans just irked me.
I’m trying to be a bit less dramatic about things like this because the logical part of my brain realises that there is no point trying to control what your friends wear. But then the other part of me thinks: I chose this look first and I don’t want to share my style with anyone. Aleesha should just get her own fashion sense, that would help us avoid this scenario for ever.
The defence: Aleesha
Our dress sense has become more similar. It’s no wonder we buy some of the same items
Ella is amazing. She’s kind, generous and hilarious – the life and soul of any party. But whenever I buy an item of clothing that resembles hers, she reverts to the same childlike behaviour from our school days.
Our friend Antonia thinks it’s hilarious. I find it mildly amusing, but also think she’s in the wrong. Before Glastonbury last year, I’d been talking to Ella about outfits and she had shown me this cool zebra-print jacket on Zoom. I went and bought the same jacket on Depop. I didn’t think anything of it until I pulled the jacket out at Glasto and said, “Look what I’ve got, we can be matching!”
Ella flipped and said, “No, that’s not cool. I don’t want to look the same as you. Why did you buy it?” I was shocked. I pointed out it was a festival and that the zebra-print jacket was mass produced: anyone can buy one.
Our dress sense has become more similar as we’ve grown up. Ella used to be preppy and wear classic stuff like plain designer shirts and oversized bags; now she’s more eclectic. I’d like to think she takes a bit of inspiration from me, as I’ve always been drawn to colours and prints. Ella used to rip me for it; now she’s come around, so it’s no wonder we buy the same items.
Ella and I don’t live in the same city any more, so it’s not like we’re going to be running into each other wearing matching outfits every day. Once we happened to be in similar flared trousers. Antonia pointed it out, saying, “Uh-oh, you’re matching again.” It was funny to see a flicker of panic across Ella’s face.
Ella’s always been a bit like this. At school she wouldn’t tell me the name of her perfume because she didn’t want me to wear it. I thought that was funny. Maybe she likes to feel unique.
We’re in our 30s now, so I’m not sure why it still bothers her. I still love her dearly – I just put it down to a quirk she has. It would just be good to think that, if we accidentally end up in a similar outfit in future, she would be able to keep her cool. It’s not that big a deal. If anything, it just speaks to our incredible mutual fashion sense.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Aleesha stop copying Ella’s fashion choices?
There’s no need to copy someone’s clothes exactly. Of course, most people who are friends will have broadly the same taste – that’s the way fashion works – but that’s no excuse for stepping out like a pair of overgrown twins. Be a shepherd, not a sheep.
David, 43
Long-standing friendships should be cherished. Despite saying Ella is “amazing”, Aleesha seems to take a childish glee in making her friend feel uncomfortable. Similar tastes may lead to choosing the same cut of trousers, but buying an identical jacket and knowing it will upset a friend? It’s not a good look.
Frances, 52
Ella’s need to feel special apparently trumps decades of friendship, while Aleesha’s alleged mimicry seems benign. One hopes that the two of them no longer living in the same city will end this tempest in a teapot.
Donna, 77
I think Aleesha should be more considerate of Ella’s feelings. I can see why Ella was upset when her friend bought the same jacket. She is rightly protective and proud of her individual style, and Aleesha should respect this.
Helen, 53
Aleesha is being condescending and dismissive of Ella’s perspective, which is a poor way to treat a friend. She knew exactly what she was doing when she bought that zebra-print jacket! Ella is reacting strongly to a small issue, but she’s probably over her friends deliberately winding her up.
Kate, 37
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Aleesha get her own style?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 22 June
Last week’s result
We asked if Kojo should lock his bike up outside, not in the flat.
53% of you said yes – Kojo is guilty
47% of you said no – Kojo is innocent
