The prosecution: Lani
I don’t want to have to make small talk with strangers every time Wendy travels abroad
My friend and flatmate, Wendy, is pretty good to live with – when she’s here. We met when we were both working at a music label and have been friends for about three years. She now works as a freelancer in travel PR, while I’m still in music. The flat we rent has proven to be a good bargain, as prices around us have rocketed.
However, the main issue is that Wendy travels a lot and often sublets her room when she’s away. The first time was when she went to Bali for three months. She couldn’t afford to leave the room empty while she was gone, so she asked if a mutual friend of ours, who was in between places, could move in in the meantime.
I was fine with that, but since then there have been a couple of situations that I’ve found inconsiderate. She gets more free trips now that she works in travel, so quite a few people have moved in temporarily. She says it helps because as a freelancer she doesn’t have a steady income, but I don’t think she should sublet when she’s away for work because she’s already getting paid. When she went to Greece for three weeks to help set up a hotel, she asked if she could sublet her room. I said yes, and the lodger turned out to be fine, but it was a bit awkward. I like my own space and don’t want to spend my evenings showing someone how to work the dishwasher.
Wendy once got someone in while she went away for a week, and they were rude. The girl just grunted at me. Recently, Wendy said she was going to Colombia and asked if she could sublet again for a month. I got annoyed. As a compromise she said I could pick the person, but I can’t be arsed to start interviewing new flatmates.
When we signed up to live together, we had stable jobs and Wendy wasn’t travelling as much. I love her, but don’t want to keep making small talk with strangers over breakfast. I recently stipulated that if she’s away for less than three weeks, she can’t sublet her room. I also suggested that she shouldn’t travel at all if she can’t cover her rent. Wendy kind of agreed, but she’s not happy about it.
The defence: Wendy
Life is expensive and I am self-employed. Lani could relax and help me out
We have quite a spacious flat with a garden, so Lani always has plenty of space for herself. It’s not like she’s crammed into a poky little place with a complete stranger. I’ve always run things past her first. Thankfully, she has been very gracious in allowing me to sublet my room for most of my trips.
When it comes to the sublets, I understand that I’m asking her to compromise quite a bit when I’m away, but Lani is operating from a place of privilege compared with me. I lost my job at the music label while she was kept on, and she now makes pretty good money. I had to start a completely new career at the age of 27.
Lani says I shouldn’t really ask her to sublet during work trips as I’m already getting paid, but how is that fair? I love working in travel PR but things are still tight. The job also requires a lot of travel. Obviously I love it as some of it is free, but as a freelancer I’m always shorter on cash than she is, and need to make some of it back by subletting my room.
Once I couldn’t get a sublet for 10 days when I headed off to France, which was a bit rubbish and meant I was broke for the rest of the month.
I’ve agreed that I won’t sublet the room if I’m away for less than three weeks, but I’m not pleased about it. I think two weeks would be more than fair, as that’s half a month, and would help me square things financially.
Lani and I get along as flatmates, though she is a bit more uptight than I am. I do see that it is a bit selfish to expect her to live with strangers, but she has always said yes. Maybe she is scarred from the time I had someone stay for a week who she didn’t get on with, but I always make sure we find women so Lani’s comfortable, and I try to find mutual friends whenever I can.
Life is expensive and I want to maximise my income as much as possible as a self-employed person, so I reckon Lani could relax a bit and help me out.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Wendy stop subletting her room in their shared flat?
Wendy is taking advantage of Lani’s generosity and should see that asking her to share her home with strangers is unfair. Wendy needs to live within her means or find another flat; or Lani should find another (full-time) flatmate or downsize.
James, 52
Lani shouldn’t be expected to live with someone new at Wendy’s whim, who is behaving like she owns a B&B. If Wendy can’t afford the rent, she should move to a cheaper area so that Lani can find a more consistent flatmate.
Xanthe, 25
Wendy is taking the full proverbial – she is taking a shared social resource and selling it. Lani should be compensated by way of a free trip abroad every so often, with Wendy picking up the tab.
Mandy, 45
Wendy seems to have little consideration for Lani’s position and her argument is self-centred. She is living a glamorous lifestyle while Lani has to live with a succession of strangers. Wendy should only travel if or when she can afford to, and remember the flat is their home, not rooms for rent.
Helen, 64
I get why Wendy wants to sublet her room when she’s away, but she needs to accept her actions have created a huge change in lifestyle for Lani. Perhaps Wendy needs to move on – she may find a solution among her new workmates who face the same issues.
Tessa, 64
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Wendy stop subletting their room in their shared flat?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 3 August
Last week’s result
We asked whether River should reply to his sister Chante when she wants to make arrangements on Instagram, instead of just sending memes.
13% of you said yes – River is guilty
87% of you said no – River is innocent
