The prosecution: Denise
Why does a 19-year-old need to use £200 night cream? Plus she already wants ‘baby Botox’
My daughter Marsha has always taken pride in her appearance. As a child, she used to love dressing up and raiding my makeup bag. At the same time, she was humble and would roll around in fields with her friends. We live in the country, and many of them have farms near us.
Now she is a law student who lives at university in the city and is becoming more image-conscious. Every time she returns home for the holidays, she’s wearing a new designer item. She bought Givenchy sunglasses, even though she already has a flashy collection.
And don’t get me started on her beauty regime. Her own makeup bag must be worth more than half my wardrobe. She takes pleasure in letting me know what all the serums do. I tell her: you don’t need to spend a fortune on face creams, they all do the same thing. But she’s always on TikTok researching retinol and peptides.
I don’t have a problem with her spending her own money on nice things, but she needs to assess whether they’re worth it. Who has £200 to spend on a night cream? It shouldn’t be a 19-year-old. I didn’t raise her to be flash with her cash, but she seems to be trying to keep up with girls she sees online, or some of her new uni friends. I’m worried she is going to go down the filler and Botox route. Marsha says she hasn’t had anything done, but that she wants to in the future.
I also wonder where she finds the money for all this. She earns her own money working as a part-time receptionist at a law firm, but I don’t want her to spend it all on frivolous items.
All I did at her age was a simple skincare routine: a bit of soap and water, followed by a cheap moisturiser. I think I look pretty good for it too. Marsha is already talking about getting “baby Botox” as a preventive measure, but I’m totally against that. She says it will keep her looking 20 forever, but that sounds problematic.
Why are young girls today so scared of having facial expressions? It’s a sign of a life well lived. Before university, Marsha was fairly low-key. Now she wants to have what she calls “a rebrand.” But in my opinion you can’t stage a rebrand if you haven’t worked out who you are in the first place. Marsha is still my down-to-earth girl, but she thinks expensive products are automatically better, and that fillers and Botox are normal. They aren’t, and that’s not what I taught her.
Defence: Marsha
Kids now have 10-step skincare routines. Mum doesn’t understand the pressure I’m under
My mum doesn’t really get how much pressure there is on young women to look good today.
In a politics class last year, I read about how the rising status of women in the economic sphere has come with greater pressure to spend money on looking good. It’s true. I feel as if I need to have my nails done, skincare routine perfect and dress really well, just to attend uni classes.
My biggest expense is my skincare routine. I like good French brands like Caudalie and Lancôme. I’m also into some Korean brands I’ve found on TikTok. I want to preserve my looks because I know that for a woman, being beautiful is currency. It will help my job prospects.
I hope to go into law after I finish my degree, so it’s not as though I don’t have my head screwed on, but I’m just realistic about what might help me get ahead. I haven’t started having fillers or Botox yet but I really want my lips done – a couple of the girls I know have had it done and it looks great, but I don’t want to tell my mum.
She already thinks I’ve had work done, but apart from a microneedling session I actually haven’t. Mum keeps saying that she only used a bar of soap for her beauty regime when she was growing up, but things have changed. Kids now have 10-step skincare routines, and preventive Botox at 21 just isn’t a big deal.
I have a part-time job at a law firm so if I want to spend my money on skincare or designer labels, then I will.
I want to live a life that doesn’t require me to hold myself back. I want to treat myself to things and be able to look in the mirror every day and say: “Wow, you’ve smashed that.”
I’m not insecure but I am ambitious and conscious of living in a patriarchal world. When I’m a high-flying lawyer, I’m going to buy a Birkin bag. I think it’s fine to aspire to that and take care of your looks. Besides, although Mum looks good for her age, a bit of microneedling or Botox wouldn’t go amiss. Looks fade after all.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Marsha rein in her spending on beauty products and procedures?
Fillers and Botox are a slippery slope – look at any number of celebrities (usually women) who’ve overdone it. Why buy into the misogyny of the beauty industry when you are smart enough to smash the patriarchy with your career?
Kate, 40
In an age of influencers, social media, and selfies, where women in the public eye seldom escape scrutiny based on their appearance, it’s harsh to judge anyone. It may not be the world we want, but Marsha needs to follow her own path and let it lead where it may.
Ronan, 44
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, but Marsha should beware of building her own cage. Patriarchal realities are not overcome by conforming to them. Looks fade either way and you still have to love yourself for who you are.
Claudia, 32
Although looking good is confidence-boosting, ultimately Marsha will be valued for how good she is at what she does and her personality rather than the image she presents. She could still look great without spending so much energy and money on products.
Glynnis, 70
I understand Denise’s concerns, but Marsha is just starting to work out who she wants to be. She seems to be aware of the pressures she’s conforming to and maybe she’ll come to realise she doesn’t need to look a certain way to get ahead. It’s her money to spend how she wants.
Vicky, 42
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Marsha lay off the beauty products?
The poll closes on 2 January 2025
Your verdict on last week’s You be the judge (should my friend stop being so vengeful) will be published on 3 January
