The prosecution: Kathleen
I’m really worried about how Mona will be perceived when she starts applying for jobs
Mona loves being a bit out there: she always has. Mona has purple hair one week, green the next. She gave herself about 10 ear piercings when she was 14, and she fills them all with tiny earrings now. I noticed the first face piercing at 16 straight away – it was a small hoop through her nose. I thought she was too young and told her repeatedly to take it out, but she ignored me. The rule was: you can do what you want when you move out, but while you’re in my house I’d like you to refrain from piercings and tattoos. It’s out of respect but, also I don’t really like looking at all those things Mona does to herself.
The nose piercing was a point of contention for a while, and then I stopped mentioning it. However, I was quite upset with the large tattoo she got on her inner arm, two years later, at 18. Tattoos are permanent and this one is noticeable: lots of shading and leaves. I told her: “While you’re under my roof I don’t want to see any more.” Mona said that was fine, but then she went off to university and every time she came back for the holidays, there was another tattoo or piercing. She has little tattoos on her ankle, a huge one on her lower back and she’s added to the one on her arm – but those are just the ones I can see. I don’t actually know how many she has.
I don’t think Mona looks silly – some of the tattoos are quite pretty – but I’m concerned about how she will be perceived when she starts applying for jobs. I worry what it will look like when she’s older, but she just laughs at me.
Mona moved back home with me a few months ago as she’s 21 and recently graduated. I don’t know if she’s planning more tattoos but I don’t want to see any more. Mona once said I’m denying her “bodily autonomy” and that I’m controlling, but as she’s my daughter and she’s living with me, I think I have a right to try and maintain some order. It may be her body, but I won’t allow her to abuse it with endless tattoos. She needs to focus on getting serious employment as she’s just interning at a design agency at the moment. When she moves out, she can do what she pleases.
The defence: Mona
My mum is just being old-fashioned. It’s my body and I should be allowed to do what I want with it
My mum is old-school, Catholic and Irish. She grew up in a strict family on a farm in the 1960s, so of course she doesn’t understand the concept of developing a personal style that’s different from the norm. Her whole life has been about conforming and not drawing attention to herself. I don’t subscribe to all that. I think it’s important for everyone to present how they want. If you’re not harming anyone, who cares whether your hair is blue or if you’re covered in metal?
My tattoos and piercings are an extension of myself, as well as an expression of my personality and individuality, so naturally they are important to me. When my mum criticises how I look, or tells me not to get any more “body modifications”, I do take it personally. When I got my nose piercing at 16, I didn’t hear the end of it for months. She told me I looked like a bull and that I should take the hoop out (I didn’t). The fallout was so great that I waited until I was living away from home before I got anything else done.
When I was at university I started experimenting with tattoos and more piercings and then when I came back for the holidays I’d always get a snarky comment or an over-the-top reaction. Now I’m back home for a bit and interning. My mum has said I’m not allowed to get anything else done tattoo-wise. Part of me wants to follow this rule to just make sure we don’t argue, but on the other hand I think it’s a weird request. I’m an adult. It’s my body.
Telling me what to do with my body is a direct attack on my personal rights. It’s the denial of my autonomy, just because we live under the same roof. What right does my mum have to tell me not to get another tattoo or piercing? It’s really got nothing to do with her. I have 12 tattoos so far and I will undoubtedly add to that, but for now I want an easy life so I guess things are on pause. But that won’t last forever and I don’t have to obey these old-fashioned, arbitrary rules just to keep my mum happy. I love her but she can’t tell me what to do.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Mona give the ink a rest?
Kathleen needs to accept Mona’s choices; it’s too late for her to complain, Mona is an adult. However, Mona needs to appreciate that her mum is only worrying because she cares and stop being so dramatic – all parents do this. Maybe they should get matching tattoos.
Ben, 40
I think Mona is innocent. At her age, she should be able to get tattoos and piercings if she wants to, without it becoming a battle. She may regret them when she’s older, but she has to feel her body is her own domain. Isn’t her mum just giving Mona fuel to keep rebelling?
Michelle, 50
Kathleen should feel fortunate and proud to have a daughter who is confident enough to express herself. Instead, she seems overly concerned with controlling Mona’s appearance and throwing her weight around with the tired “under my roof” line (an unfair one during a housing crisis). Team Mona!
Lucy, 28
If Mona has agreed to “pause” further tattooing while she’s living at home, Kathleen must also agree to “pause” her criticism. Neither side is likely to shift their positions, and what matters is to keep a good relationship.
Edward, 66
Mona is correct. Kathleen lost ground when, aged 16, Mona “ignored” requests to halt the piercings. Kathleen should state her position once, then leave it alone. Letting your children chart their own course is tough, but Kathleen should focus on having a good relationship with her daughter.
Kelli, 54
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Mona give up the body art?
The poll closes at 10am GMT on Thursday 2 November
Last week’s result
We asked whether Rita should stop storing baking trays in her and Sinbad’s oven.
78% of you said yes – Rita is guilty
22% of you said no – Rita is innocent
