The prosecution: Mara
I don’t mind lending her some pieces, but she doesn’t take care of things
I am a firm believer in keeping old clothes, because you never know what will come back into fashion. I don’t throw a lot of stuff away and never have. I’m 55 and pride myself on having a dress from when I was 18 in my wardrobe, as well as lots of lovely blouses and tops from the 1980s. It’s funny when things come back around, which they always do. However, my daughter Abbie is irritating me at the moment because she has suddenly decided that she wants my old clothes. Fashion from the 2000s is back “in” and she wants to borrow my miniature bags that I haven’t touched in a decade, as well as some belts and tops.
I wouldn’t mind lending her some pieces, but she doesn’t take care of things. She came across a cropped denim jacket that I bought in the late 90s and said: “Mum, I love it. Can I wear it to a party?” I obliged, but then it came back with a big ice-cream stain down the front. She didn’t apologise and told me that since it could be washed, it wasn’t a big deal. What Abbie doesn’t understand is that the only reason I can lend her these old items is precisely because I have taken good care of them. If you don’t take care of your clothes, you won’t have any to give to people in the future.
She has also taken to borrowing my clothes without asking. I came home from work once to find her rifling through a stash I keep under the bed. When I expressed frustration, she said: “Mum, you don’t even wear half this stuff.” She also suggested that we sell some items on Vinted or eBay, to which I said: “Hands off!” All my old clothes are carefully stored and I have no intention of getting rid of them. How would she feel if I rifled through her things without permission, helped myself to nice pieces and also tried to make money off them?
This younger generation doesn’t do long-term fashion. Everything is fast and disposable, so they don’t know how to cherish things. Abbie is 23 and I can see how the culture has negatively influenced her mindset – she changes her wardrobe all the time even though I tell her to shop more sustainably.
The defence: Abbie
Mum keeps never-worn clothes in a suitcase – she should learn to recycle
To be fair to her, my mum has always been pretty fashionable. She wears nice things and has a lovely makeup collection. However, she finds it hard to throw things away and keeps a bunch of old clothes in a suitcase under the bed. Some things are literally never worn.
In the past couple of years I’ve taken to going up to her room and trying to sort through her bits and bobs. I once suggested we have a clear-out and sell some things online to make money, and free up more room, but she went off at me. I think it’s because I didn’t ask her permission and had just started organising her things without running it by her. I did apologise for that. But, like I said, she doesn’t even know what’s under that bed because she has been stashing clothes and bags there for years.
I actually like what I found there, though – a lot of 2000s stuff that is now back in fashion. I got some cute little bags, long skirts and even some amazing cowboy boots that Mum forgot she had. I took some items that I wanted to wear and she was happy with that, but whenever I do wear her old stuff, I feel like I’m being heavily surveilled.
When I got that stain on the jacket, Mum went crazy and said I don’t look after stuff. That’s not true, and the jacket got washed so I don’t see the problem. Another time, when I wore her old cowboy boots out, I got told off when there was a tiny scuff-mark on the front of one of them.
If Mum is going to let me wear her things, she needs to relax. She has to let go of the idea of keeping everything perfect, because they are old. I told her that I’m very grateful that she has decided to lend me some of her old clothes, and have promised to take good care of them, but I don’t want to be held to a ridiculous standard. I know Mum secretly likes the fact that I think she is fashionable and wants to lend me things, and she has said I should stop shopping on fast-fashion sites. If that’s the case, then she needs to let me actually enjoy wearing her clothes.
The jury of Guardian readers
Is Abbie skirting the issues Mara has with her?
Abbie is being both irreverent and judgmental, not to mention disrespectful. Why couldn’t Abbie have arranged for the jacket to be dry cleaned herself? Why is it Abbie’s job to “sort” her mum’s stuff?
Mandi, 33
Abbie should not be taking anyone’s things without permission. It’s Mara’s prerogative to keep her old clothes to herself, even if she doesn’t wear them. However, if Mara does decide to lend Abbie any items, she must accept they may be damaged.
Kathleen, 36
Mara has no plans for her clothes, except indefinite storage – but that is her right. Abbie should be more respectful when granted usage. Her argument about it being her mum’s job to make her more sustainable is a straw man fallacy.
Abid, 42
Just because Mara doesn’t wear her old clothes much doesn’t mean they deserve to be treated with any less respect. If you’re using something that’s someone else’s, treat it with care – more care than you’d treat something of your own.
Charlie, 42
It’s great that Abbie appreciates her mum’s fashion sense, and accidents do happen, but not apologising for staining clothes? She is also borrowing clothes without consent, which is violating her mum’s boundaries.
Sarah, 31
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Abbie stop borrowing clothes from Mara?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 28 September
Last week’s result
We asked if Nico should stop helping himself to Lucy’s chocolate.
91% of you said yes – Nico is guilty
9% of you said no – Nico is innocent
