The prosecution: Lex
I’m not really a ‘mi casa es tu casa’ kind of person and there’s not really enough room anyway
My girlfriend Imani wants to move her sister Ayeesha into our spare room for almost three months and I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Ayeesha is off to start a new job in Beijing in November, and as much as I get on with her, I feel it’s a bit of an imposition.
Ayeesha broke up with her ex, so suddenly found herself in between places. She has moved in with her parents, but Imani thinks she should live with us. Their parents live in the middle of nowhere so Imani thinks it would help Ayeesha heal after the break-up if she had a bit more support.
I don’t think Ayeesha living here with me and Imani is the best option for any of us. Three months is a long time and our spare room is literally a box – I don’t think she will find it comfortable. And the kitchen and living room aren’t much better either, as they are open plan. I can’t see where we will all go when we are in together. And as much as I love socialising, I don’t think I’m really an open-door, “mi casa es tu casa” type of person.
Ayeesha is pretty quiet and no hassle, so I feel bad saying all this to Imani, but not bad enough to have her in my flat for three months. Ayeesha is working the notice period from her old job at home, which means she will be under our feet quite a lot. Imani and I work to a hybrid pattern so on various days we are at the office or home.
Imani has said she will be responsible for making up the guest room and taking on any additional chores that come with having an extra person in the flat. She also said it would be good to have Ayeesha around as it will make us go out a bit more at the weekends. But I’m happy chilling. We don’t have loads of money to spend right now as things are generally tight. Ayeesha will be paying rent if she stays, so while it would help with our mortgage costs, I’m not sure if the trade-off of having someone full-time in my home is worth it.
I like coming back to a quiet flat and the thought of someone else there every evening doesn’t fill me with excitement.
The defence: Imani
Living with my sister and having her contribute towards the cost of the flat would be a dream for me
I love my sister, I love Lex and they get along really well. Lex and I have been going out for four years, living together for two in a flat we bought, and in that time Lex has come along to a few family events. It’s not as though he’d be put out by her presence because they do know each other. Ayeesha is also an easy person to get on with. She’s way tidier than me and is quite introverted – she wouldn’t demand to be entertained.
Lex worries about how having Ayeesha around might be a lot for him when he comes back from work, but he won’t even know she’s there. Yes, the flat is small, but I’ve spoken to her about working from a shared office space to give us all a little more breathing room, and of course she said that’s fine. The spare room is also going to be fine for her.
I reckon having a bit of extra cash coming in will be great too. We are changing mortgages soon, and our new rate is going to be sky-high. Living with my sister and having her contribute towards the cost of the flat would be a dream for me, and a pretty convenient situation for me and Lex. I’d rather not have a stranger. Ayeesha lives with my parents out in the country. I know she’d appreciate being back in the city. She had a bad break-up and I want to help out.
I love living with Lex but he’s been a bit of a grump when it comes to discussing this issue. He is putting up invisible barriers and saying we don’t have the space, but that’s not really the issue – he is just being a bit selfish. I reckon he’s getting more and more closed off socially as we get older. We don’t go out half as much as we did when we met because he’s becoming quite a homebody. But we’re only 28.
I think it would be good for our finances if we let my sister stay, but it would also probably help our relationship, because I reckon we’d go out and do more things outside the flat with Ayeesha there. I’m going to keep pressing Lex on this one. Even if Ayeesha only comes for a month or so, I’d like it to happen.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Lex relent and let Imani’s sister help pay the rent?
I side with Lex because everyone has a right to a peaceful evening in their own home. Ayeesha is not in a desperate situation – her parents are more than happy to help her. The couple’s place was never meant for three people and it will most likely be a draining experience for everyone involved.
Antoni, 24
Lex is being selfish here. Ayeesha should be able to stay with Imani for a few months after her relationship broke down. If she contributes towards the mortgage and picks up after herself, then there’s no issue here.
David, 30
Imani is open to compromising in a way Lex isn’t – suggesting Ayeesha stay for less time and asking her to use a shared office space. Three months isn’t that long and Ayeesha’s new job in Beijing provides a hard cut-off.
Elizabeth, 29
What are the benefits for Ayeesha here? Living in a box room, paying for office space and your mortgage, while walking on eggshells around Lex. Imani, it sounds as though you mainly want Ayeesha to move in to kickstart your social life again – why not have her stay for some long weekends instead?
Joachin, 30
Why not try something else – perhaps a trial weekend of having Ayeesha over to see how things go? And if Lex continues to be opposed, perhaps Imani should let it go: living in a small flat filled with tension can be hell.
Rebecca, 29
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Imani tell Ayeesha that she can’t stay with her and Lex?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 7 September
Last week’s result
We asked if Hamza and family should apologise for shooing their neighbour’s cat away after it had poo’d in the garden.
38% of you said yes – Hamza is guilty
62% of you said no – Hamza is innocent
