Manly's Lachlan Croker has opened up on his hard road back from concussion, saying he feared for his long-term health amid ongoing nausea, balance issues and eye problems.
The hard-working Sea Eagles hooker went down with a head knock during the round-nine loss to Canberra in early May, but had always bounced back quickly from similar injuries in the past.
So when he woke up the next day feeling unwell, Croker knew something was wrong.
"To not feel fine the next day, and then months after, it was something that rattled me and played with my brain a little bit," Croker told AAP.
What followed was a three-month journey to return to the field, one that would take him through doctors' offices and into consultations with neuroscientists and physiotherapists.
In that time, Croker has struggled to make sense of the feeling of what was described to him as a "vestibular concussion" - a head knock mostly affecting the inner ear.
"It wasn't so much an issue with my brain, it was sort of my eyes and my balance and a lot of sort of nausea type feelings and that sort of stuff," he said.
"My eyes didn't feel like they were focusing properly things just took longer to get into focus.
"That made me feel sick and I sort of had that feeling where I was about to vomit but never actually vomited.
"It hasn't been fun."
The constant sickness was one thing, but the uncertainty around his return-to-play timeline was tougher to swallow for such a process-driven player as Croker.
"You sort of wish it was just a simple injury where you got a six-week plan and you can break it down into little portions to know where you're going," Croker said.
"It was a really difficult thing to put on someone who just wants to play football."
At one point, Croker had felt ready to return to the field, only to experience a sudden onset of symptoms during a conditioning session at 4 Pines Park.
By his own estimation, that one episode set him back weeks.
"I felt sick almost straight away. That was when I realised that I was further away than I thought I was," Croker said.
In his darkest times, Croker had fears for his playing career, and his health after it.
"There always is when it's your head, which is probably why I wouldn't wish it on anyone, because it's a scary thought, post-football," he said.
Croker had no shortage of support throughout the ordeal.
Manly's club doctor Paul Bloomfield was calling every day to check in, teammates were by Croker's side and his partner was a constant source of positivity.
"I've felt a lot of support, I've been lucky in that regard," he said.
Croker made his comeback for Manly's NSW Cup affiliate Blacktown Workers late last month, having finally passed concussion protocols.
As he prepares for a long-awaited return to first grade this Saturday, coincidentally against the Raiders, Croker finally has a spring in his step again.
"You can only back what (doctors) are saying," he said.
"Everyone that I've spoken to has been really positive about the whole thing, and head knocks and concussions in general. It's been comforting in that regard."
