Dry wedding
With sober curiosity on the rise, a growing number of couples are opting to leave alcohol off the menu at their weddings. Online wedding planner Hitched’s National Wedding Survey shows an increase in dry weddings in the UK last year, with 11% of couples choosing to host booze-free big days in 2022 compared with 10% in 2021. Meanwhile, TikTok is full of ideas for wedding mocktails.
Paul, 32, and Becky, 29, both from Coventry, decided to throw a dry wedding last summer, asking guests not to bring any alcohol with them. Some struggled to hide their disappointment when they were told of this in advance, despite knowing that neither Paul nor Becky drink. “We have various friends who would normally be partying until 4am and they warned that our party would be over very quickly,” says Paul.
In the end, the wedding lasted till 1am – which Becky and Paul were “very happy” with – while many guests said they were pleased to have been able to drive home afterwards and save on accommodation. (According to new research, British people spend an average of £604 to attend a wedding, with accommodation being the most costly factor). “Other guests just said it was really nice to have such a ‘chill’ event without any worry of the party going over the edge and getting messy or dramatic,” says Paul.
Hosting a dry wedding often means having to think carefully about the entertainment, as guests may not be in the mood for dancing without dutch courage. Paul and Becky opted to have a ceilidh because, as Paul puts it: “The beauty of a ceilidh is that the caller is telling you exactly where to go and what to do” – which may help loosen up sober guests. Karaoke was less of a success, he says, with several people deciding to up and leave at that point.
Having a dry event led to big savings, with the whole wedding coming to £2,600. “At the end of March 2023 we completed the purchase of our first home,” says Paul. “We can’t ignore the generational wealth that made it more possible for us … but it certainly didn’t hurt that we barely dipped into our savings in order to fund the wedding.”
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Microwedding
Microweddings have been steadily growing in popularity since the pandemic made smaller ceremonies a necessity. But while the idea of an intimate ceremony may appeal to many, in practice, slimming down the guest list is often no easy feat.
This was something Lucy, 23, from Sheffield, had to contend with when she organised a ceremony in the Lake District with just 10 guests earlier this year. For Lucy and her partner, cost was a big factor in their decision to limit the guest list. “We’ve never seen the point of spending so much money on a single day,” she says. On top of this, Lucy says she has suffered from social anxiety in the past, while her husband has “never been a fan of being the centre of attention”. For this reason, he didn’t give a speech – even in front of such a small group.
For Lucy, a smaller wedding allowed her to “make the most of the day, with the people you love the most”. The couple held two different activities on the day, which would not have been possible with more guests. “More is more when it comes to the entertainment. It meant that the day was more full and fun,” she says.
But having a limited number of guests poses its own problems. Her uncle was hurt not to be invited, as was one of her friends, for whom she had been a bridesmaid. Lucy relented eventually and invited her uncle, but only after it sparked a family drama. As for the friend: “I should have invited her,” says Lucy. After the initial quarrel, they’re friends again. “We are both adults, and a wedding isn’t worth throwing a decade-old friendship away over,” she says.
Originally, Lucy had planned to elope, with no guests. “There were times I wish we had,” she says, reflecting on the tensions it caused with family and friends. “Although with hindsight, I’m glad we had our day the way we did. My advice to anyone planning a microwedding would be to make sure all the guests know, right from the start, that it is a small wedding only and there is no wriggle-room or compromise on guest numbers,” she says.
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Group-effort wedding
In 2023, getting married is £1,385 more expensive than it was a year ago, as inflation pushes up wedding costs. It has left many couples who are looking to tie the knot in a difficult position. As the cost of living crisis worsens, people are increasingly turning to friends and family to help with the costs, materials and logistics of staging their wedding.
When Tanya Antonio, 39, and her husband Kevin, both from Swindon, got engaged last year, they were struggling with rising bills. Aware of the couple’s situation, friends and family rallied to throw the perfect day for them, in lieu of giving presents. “They knew we were in a tight spot, but also this was their way of giving a gift to us,” says Tanya.
The couple hired a village hall so they could provide the food and drink themselves. Kevin’s aunt handled the food, waking up at 5am on the morning of the wedding to prepare a variety of Caribbean dishes for the guests – a nod to where Kevin’s family is from. Later on, other guests helped out with the catering, serving the food and drink. One guest who works as a venue dresser provided the chair covers, centrepieces, sashes, tablecloths and runners.
Two guests took charge of decorating the hall, while another offered to do the cake. “It made it more meaningful that it was a joint effort,” says Tanya. The wedding cost £2,500. “Having family do the food and cake saved a lot of money that we wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise … It was a brilliant day, better than we imagined it would be.”
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Crowdfunded wedding
Asking guests and strangers to donate to the cost of getting married is controversial, but it has become increasingly common as the cost of living crisis bites. From 2021 to 2022, GoFundMe saw a 24% increase in fundraisers set up in their “newlyweds” category – which includes couples fundraising for their weddings and honeymoons.
Martin, 46, and Emma, 39, both from Dorchester, recently set up a GoFundMe page for their wedding, which is taking place later this year. It reads: “We have been unable to save much at all in the 18 months we have been engaged … We can’t wait to start a new life together as husband and wife. If you feel you can help, even a little, it would really be appreciated.”
The couple, who are hoping to raise £3,743 (“We did a fair bit of research on the cost of things, plus a small contingency. It didn’t feel right rounding it up to £4,000 – more than we really need – and we hated the idea of raising £3,500 and being short”), say they were nervous to publish the fundraiser. “It feels a bit weird basically asking friends, family and random people to donate,” says Emma. “It’s a nice day out for people, but let’s face it: it’s our big day. So can we expect other people to bend over and pay for it?”
Despite these anxieties, Martin and Emma have been sharing the page on social media. “It was something we did out of necessity, trying to think of ways to actually afford the wedding,” says Martin. While both admit that the response to the GoFundMe so far has been fairly muted – they have only raised about £120 – they’re hopeful that they’ll receive more donations closer to the big day.
And it has prompted guests who say they can’t or would prefer not to donate to offer to lend a hand in other ways. Since the fundraiser launched, one guest has said they will sing at the wedding free of charge, while another friend has offered to help with the food.
“It’s a really difficult thing to do,” says Emma of the GoFundMe. “But to have people come back and want to help in some way is really special.” The couple believe that guests donating to the cost of weddings rather than giving gifts should become normalised. “This way the money has gone to something real that guests enjoy too,” Emma says, “instead of something that’s going to sit in a cupboard for a few years.”
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Double wedding
Weddings are usually about all eyes on one couple, but it doesn’t always need to be this way. Earlier this year, David, 41, and Nathan, 32, both from County Down, held a double wedding – a single marriage ceremony and reception for two couples – after initially planning a smaller wedding for just the two of them. It was Nathan’s mother who suggested the couple share the event with Nathan’s brother, Daryl, and his fiancee, Renee, while they were visiting the UK from their home in Australia.
The idea of sharing the spotlight appealed to Nathan and David. “We wanted something low key to start with, because we didn’t really like all eyes being on us,” says David. Everything was shared, from the photos (there were ones of the couple on their own, too) to the vows and even the cake, which had David and Nathan’s initials on one side, and Daryl and Renee’s on the other. The couples did their vows one after the other, with David and Nathan going first. The only thing that wasn’t shared was walking down the aisle: while David and Nathan chose to, Renee and Daryl opted not to.
As Renee and Daryl live in Australia, David was only able to meet them two weeks before the wedding, so planning it together was always bound to be risky. One disagreement took place over the colour of the dresses Daryl and Renee’s two young girls would wear. “I was very much about doing a green, white and gold wedding,” says David. “And they wanted their two children to wear pink dresses.”
After an awkward back-and-forth, the couples eventually settled on white. “You have to be willing to compromise,” says David. “If you’re someone who has a picture of a perfect wedding day in your head, a double wedding probably isn’t for you.”
Ultimately, sharing their wedding meant David, Nathan, Daryl and Renee could afford to rent a house for all 29 guests to stay together in and enjoy Northern Ireland for a couple of days after the celebration. It helped bring the two couples together, too. “We got to know each other very well, and it was a bonding experience.”
Photography assistant Harry Brayne. Food stylist: Maria Gurevich
