Preeti Kothari first noticed the need for her matchmaking skills when she migrated to Sydney 12 years ago.
"At local community events, friends and family approached me asking if I knew anyone for their sons or daughters to marry," she says.
"My husband suggested that I start my own matchmaking service — that's how Soulmate Matrimonial was born."
High demand for an ancient tradition
In South Asian culture, arranged marriages are a longstanding tradition where matchmakers find a partner for you.
While there are no exact figures on the number of arranged marriages in Australia, Melbourne-based clinical psychiatrist Manjula Datta O'Connor — author of Daughters of Durga: Dowries, Gender Violence and Family in Australia — says they are common among the South Asian diaspora.
"It would be good to have better data collection at the census," Ms O'Connor says
"But it is quite common — even among second generation Indians, I think more than half the marriages are arranged."
Preeti and her friend Heena Kajaria have been running Soulmate Matrimonial for five years, with a client list spanning Australia, NZ, Singapore and India.
The first successful match and marriage happened during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic.
"The girl was from Mumbai and the boy was from Sydney," Preeti says.
"They had a zoom wedding, and then after the borders were open she came to Australia and got married legally here."
Yash from New Zealand reached out to Preeti and Heena last year. He was looking for a wife living in Australia, New Zealand or India.
They sent Pashmee's profile to him — she was living in Mumbai.
"They started chatting with each other for around eight to nine months," Preeti says.
The couple got married in April, and Preeti attended the wedding in Mumbai.
"The majority of our clientele are Indian males who are looking to settle down," Preeti says.
"Girls are coming to us, but the younger girls are still studying or maybe busy in their careers and they are also not ready," Heena says.
But Preeti and Heena's growing empire is more than a mere business for the matchmakers.
"We feel that it is a community service, that we are helping the community find a match for their loved ones," Heena says.
'We are not customising anything by order'
Preeti and Heena say the most challenging part of their job is managing expectations.
Clients have come to them with a strict list of requirements from diet to physical appearance, education and more.
But most Australian-born Indian clients are looking for someone closer to home.
"They're looking for someone educated, born and raised in Australia," Preeti says.
"They don't want to leave the country or be with someone raised differently."
And when they're not willing to negotiate on a particular caste and sub-caste or expand on their criteria, things can become difficult for the matchmakers.
"I'm a vegetarian so I will go for only vegetarian," Heena recalls some clients demanding, while others have asked for "a very beautiful girl, slim", who was "born and raised here [in Australia]".
"We are not customising anything by order," Heena explains.
"We always tell them to keep an open mind, at least feel that it's a 70 or 80 per cent match, at least start talking to them," Heena says.
"If it is not working, then you can become friends, but don't wait for the perfect match because nobody is perfect."
Parents have reached out to Preeti and Heena without their children knowing.
"Children who are raised here in Australia don't want to go for [arranged marriages], so their parents register with us and tell us, 'I haven't told my son or daughter that I have registered with you,'" Preeti says.
"So we show them the profiles, and the parents pass that on to their children saying it is a family friend."
The difference between matchmaking and forced marriages
Arranged marriages are legal in Australia.
But director of Anti-Slavery Australia Jennifer Burn notes there's a lot of confusion about the difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages.
She says it's important that both parties consent to the relationship and eventual marriage.
"Arranged marriages are widely practised in Australia and there are many people who have been married after being introduced by a family member or member of the community — but ultimately the couple decides whether they want to marry," Professor Burn explains.
"A forced marriage is really the opposite. It's where there is not full and free consent."
"It's a marriage that is imposed on one or both parties to the marriage through coercion, threat or deception."
Professor Burn is travelling around Australia on a national tour to educate communities and frontline workers about what forced marriage is and what the signs of it are.
"One of the most notable being concern or fear about an upcoming holiday overseas – it's a red flag that can indicate a young girl is being taken out of Australia for a forced marriage," she says.
'We moved from India but we are still Indians'
"When a candidate or a parent comes to us, it's because they want to settle down. They know they are coming for an arranged marriage," Heena says.
"But at the end of the day, the decision is on the kids."
Preeti and Heena hope to continue the practice of matchmaking in Australia — it's a part of their culture.
"Marriages are not just between the couple, it is between the families," Heena explains.
"We moved from India, but we are still Indians and we want to keep our values going."
