The last couple of years have seen a seismic shift in the way people perceive self-pleasure. I say people - what I really mean is women.
Where once masturbation was thought of as a lads-only activity, done furtively under the covers to the likes of Zoo and FHM, the tide has turned and there are now open, frank, and often gleeful, discussions about all kinds of mind-boggling, leg-shaking sex-tech aimed, specifically, at women. Hallelujah.
Lockdown helped break taboos; when all the sourdoughs had started and jigsaws had been solved, folks looked for other ways to keep busy while staying indoors. Sales of sex toys shot through the roof, with everyone from Lovehoney to Cult Beauty and Boots reporting dizzying highs - especially for low-noise models. Fast forward to today, and even supermarkets like Sainsbury’s have got a slice of the self-pleasure pie.
While the idea of sex toys may still seem risque to some, self-pleasure has been a thing for around 40 million years. New research by University College London found our ancient primates have been at it tens of millions of years before humans were even on the scene. One could claim self-pleasure is hardwired into our DNA.
From a strictly statistical POV, men are much bigger w*nkers than women. Not only does their below-waist set-up make it much easier and faster to climax, but they’ve generally got more time to, ahem, play with. In fact, according to a 2022 study by Chemist4U, some 14 per cent of adult men admitted to getting themselves off during working hours, double the number of female respondents who confessed they had (7 per cent).
Meanwhile, women are often lumped with jobs like child-rearing and dreary housework - and that’s after the 9 to 5 grind - before they can even think about having five minutes to themselves. Nothing like a long list of chores to turn one’s engine well and truly off.
Except is there? Because thanks to two German brands, the task of cleaning the bathroom just got a lot more interesting.
Womanizer, owned by Germany’s WOW Tech Group, has teamed up with premium bathroom product maker hansgrohe to create the world’s first purpose-built self-pleasure shower head that you can, if so inclined, use for solo play. Not so much a case of getting down and dirty as being wet and wild.
It makes sense: most women’s first forays into self-pleasure take place in the shower. It’s the one room of the house that you’re guaranteed alone time, with enough noise from rushing water or creaking boilers so as not to arouse unwanted attention. You’re also, quite handily, already naked. What Womanizer and hansgrohe have tried to do is take what is already normal behaviour for millions and give it a helping hand. So to speak.
Womanizer Wave key specs
- Dual use (for shower and stimulation)
- Three water jets: Pleasure Jet, Pleasure Whirl, Powder Rain
- Stimulation with water
- One-handed control: Intensity slider and select button
- Discreet Design, optimised ergonomic shape
- Colours: Chrome, Black and White
- ABS material
So, what do you get? The Womanizer Wave looks and functions exactly like a normal shower head, but comes with three special jet settings to use alone or as a medley to find the right combination to scratch that itch.
At the head, there’s the PleasureWhirl; is a thick, pulsing jet. Below that is the PleasureJet, which lets off finer streams of water that tickle the skin. And then there’s the option with the largest spray called PowderRain, which pushes out the softest stream of water that feels like its run off a mountain - yes, even if you live in a hard water area like London. This last option genuinely appears to be for innocent bathing. Party at the front, business at the back.
Switch between the jet types through a triangular shaped button at the base and use the slider to pitch the intensity level, adjusting to your liking. Make sure the shower curtains are fully closed before you get started, and Bob’s your uncle (although probably wise to steer clear of thoughts of relatives at this point).
The fact that this is made by the same manufacturer as the Womanizer undoubtedly piqued my interest: its external-use suction toy has such a cult following that Lily Allen collaborated on one. Friends talk about it endlessly, and I once used it as an ice-breaker at a party (as a topic of conversation, not a live demo). Ultimately, vulva-owners: if you haven’t got a Womanizer, make it your mission to get one - stat.
Does the new in-shower Womanizer Wave match that towering level of hype? While I’m into the concept of a not-toy toy that you can blithely leave on display instead of panic-shoving into the nearest drawer if surprise visitors come round, without the suction element, all the Wave really does is give you an extremely thorough clean. It’s more of a foreplay device than the main event. Unless you’re adept at getting yourself off really quickly with the gentlest of sensations, you’re more likely to end up pawing at yourself with water-shrivelled fingers than finding the big O using the Wave alone. Textbook unsexy.
That said, used in conjunction with the OG Womanizer, which is, I’m happy to report, waterproof, and the results could have you dancing on the ceiling. In which case, it’ll be the best £100 you’ve spent all year. What a time to be alive.
Where to buy the Womanizer Wave
Lovehoney - £99.99
