A woman is anxious about her friend's birthday after offering to take her out for a pub lunch, only to have her friend request a pricier dining experience.
Taking to Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable [AIBU] thread, the woman explained she's going to Manchester for a shopping trip and lunch and has already spent £65 on her friend's birthday gift. She offered to treat them both to lunch, thinking it would only cost around £40 in a pub but her friend has declined all her suggestions in favour of more expensive venues.
In a post titled "Friend's birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place, aibu [am I being unreasonable]?" she was concerned about looking "tight" for not wanting to go somewhere in her friend's chosen price bracket. She also wondered if her friend was being "a bit cheeky".
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She penned: "It's my friend's birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip/lunch. It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both (as it's her birthday )
"I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub. So in my head I'm thinking £40 max. Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub. Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.
"Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky? I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat. I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all."
The woman's post was met with a flurry of responses from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to share their thoughts. One said: "Just say it’s a bit more expensive than you’ve budgeted for, so either you can go somewhere else, or she chips in to cover the extra." Another said: "Just say sorry, I can’t afford it. If we go there we have to split the cost."
The original poster then asked: "Does that make me look tight?" A third Mumsnet user replied: "You've already been v generous with the train tickets and gift so don't hesitate to tell her that's a bit out of your budget."
Another said: "If you're spending that much it's a good friend, a good friend is someone you can say "get the boat" to. Tell her that you can't afford the expensive place and that you'll put in 40 towards it. I'd never be so cheeky, I'd get the payee to pick the place."
Another suggested: "just say that you offered to treat her to a pub lunch, if she wants somewhere fancier you’ll need to each pay for yourselves." And another Mumsnet user agreed, commenting: "Just be honest and says that’s a bit above your budget. After what you’re already spending that certainly won’t make you look tight and if she reacts badly it tells you a lot about her (and none of it good)".
And another said: "Yeh if she rejected the pub lunches then it’s no longer your treat - you can split costs. Say you can cover the costs of any of the pubs you suggested but you’ll have to go halves on the Thai restaurant. Very cheeky of her to suggest the expensive one without making it clear she’s paying her own way there."
In a follow up comment, the original poster added: "I think sometimes she doesn't realise she's being a bit pushy."
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