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Daily Record
Daily Record
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Nicole Wootton-Cane & Ryan Carroll

Woman whose abusive partner said ex's warnings were lies learned truth too late

A woman who was told by her partner on their very first date that he had spent time in prison over a decade ago for 'shoving' an ex-partner, took his honesty as a sign he had changed. Theo and Eve - not their real names - met on Tinder and, after their first date, the relationship moved quickly.

As reported by Manchester Evening News, they bonded over similar troubled childhoods and over the coming weeks, Eve felt herself falling for the man. Theo was 'clear' that any violent past was just that - a past that he had left behind ten years ago.

However, Eve began receiving messages on social media from another of Theo's exes just a month later, after they started seeing one another. The woman claimed that he had been 'physically abusive' towards her during the course of their previous, long-term relationship.

Eve says Theo had already 'warned' her about this ex by this point. He even showed her 'nasty' messages she had sent him about Eve since they started dating, criticising her appearance and asking him why he was dating her and told her that she was 'jealous'.

He insisted that she was lying when she confronted him with the woman's allegations. Eve said: "I would never normally believe the jealous ex story, but the way she spoke to me left me really unsettled. I believed him because I couldn't understand why if you were really concerned for someone else, you would try and warn them in that way."

Eve was falling in love with Theo so she stuck by him. But the messages were enough to plant a small seed of doubt into Eve's mind and she remembered a scheme she had been told about a few years ago.

Eve felt guilty about making the Clare's Law request (Manchester Evening News)

Launched in 2014, the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) - often called Clare's Law - allows concerned partners and their families access to confidential information regarding a person's history with domestic abuse if they believe they are at risk.

Eve decided not to tell Theo initially, but she reached out to Greater Manchester Police (GMP) and made a request. She was worried it would damage their relationship, but eventually admitted to him she had made the enquiry.

She said: "I felt guilty because I was saying to him, 'I know you're not your past'. And then I was going behind his back and doing this. When I told him he just seemed more upset than anything, which I saw as a green flag because if this man were actually bad, he would be mad."

Theo then admitted to Eve what police later told her. As he initially told her, he had been locked up for common assault - but that he had punched his ex-partner in the face, rather than 'shoved' her. He also told her he had previously been arrested on suspicion of rape, but was never prosecuted. After her Clare's Law request, his confession was backed up by what police revealed to Eve.

Looking back, Eve can recognise the ways in which Theo's dishonesty lulled her into a false sense of security. But at the time he was still the caring, loving man she wanted to trust - a man who had overcome his violent past. Greater Manchester Police tried to warn Eve further about Theo, but she believes the information she was given and the way it was provided pushed her further into an 'us versus them' pattern of thinking.

An officer phoned Eve and confirmed there was relevant information about Theo to disclose about a fortnight after she made the request. The officer told her the details needed to be disclosed in person and so Eve met him in an unmarked police car, parked a short distance from her flat.

Eve said 'you don't notice that somebody is slowly tightening the noose around your neck while it's happening' (Manchester Evening News)

Theo's file revealed both the common assault conviction and the sexual allegation as well as arrests for 'domestic altercations' between him and a different partner that he was also never charged over. It also uncovered information she hadn't been expecting, about a complaint made against him from an ex-partner he had never been arrested for, and possibly didn't even know about.

She said: "The officer kept telling me to just stay away from Theo, and that a leopard never changes its spots. I think the whole way that he was and what was disclosed pushed me even further towards Theo again, because he was telling me stuff that he had been accused of with no evidence, and even his arrests were from ten years ago."

Eve says her experience with the Clare's Law process felt 'cold' and 'insensitive' - playing into Theo's narrative that the system couldn't be trusted. Looking back she says she can see how Theo worked to make her dependent on him and 'dismantle' everything she thought about herself, and her trust in others.

The pair continued dating - but last year Theo became 'aggressive' after he had been drinking and, when Eve tried to flee, he struggled with her, causing her to hit her hand. Theo told her it was an 'accident', playing out of his fear she was going to run away. Eve asked him to stop drinking in an attempt to stem his aggression but weeks later she saw the side of Theo she had hoped she never would.

The pair were enjoying a meal together in her flat, when after drinking, he again became 'aggressive'. Eve, terrified he was going to attack her with a knife in the row, locked herself in the bathroom and called 999. But he forced the door open, and she was flung across the room before being assaulted so violently she says 'I thought I was going to die'.

Following the incident, in which she was choked, Eve said: "I was petrified. I still am. I have flashbacks to it, even now. I don't sleep." Theo was arrested and later pleaded guilty to charges including assault - but he was allowed to walk free after receiving a non-custodial sentence.

Eve says she has been left to pick up the pieces alone and wasn't given any support, either during court proceedings or after, to help her deal with the traumatic effects of domestic abuse on her life.

She added: "I'm being assessed for PTSD and I didn't leave my home for nearly a month. I think it's disgusting that he's (not been sent to jail), because he is very calculated. It's not some guy that's just lashed out - he knows what he's doing. I'm petrified he will do it again."

In a statement provided to Manchester Evening News, Greater Manchester Police said: “GMP are dedicated to ensuring all victims of domestic abuse are cared for compassionately and receive the upmost support. GMP continues to be committed to tackling domestic abuse perpetrators across Greater Manchester and ensuring victims and survivors receive support.”

A Home Office spokesperson said: “Domestic abuse is a despicable crime and one which this government is determined to tackle. That is why the Home Secretary recently announced a package of measures which go further than ever before in protecting women and girls from domestic violence.

"These measures include changes to Clare's Law to ensure victims are better protected by reducing the wait times for disclosure. We are also changing the law so that the most dangerous domestic abusers will be watched more closely and police forces are required to treat violence against women and girls as a national threat.”

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