A self-confessed bully who was nasty for 18 years to get a "power boost" changed her ways on a spiritual retreat - and now trains others to transform themselves. Cally Stewart, 35, said being horrible to other women - including her friends and colleagues - “made her feel good.”
The mum-of-two said she spiralled into being a ‘mean girl’ after being bullied herself. She then spent the next 18 years negatively commenting on others peoples' appearances, clothes and lives to help her validate herself.
Bitter Cally even made up rumours about colleagues - saying they'd slept with men to advance their careers. But after turning 30, and achieving a successful career and life, she realised her behaviour was motivated by feeling powerless and hating herself.
She booked herself onto a spiritual retreat and worked on herself. Instead of self loathing, she learned to love herself, and stopped being a bully.
In October 2019 she launched her business to help others with personal development and transformation, working with other former bullies like her. Cally, from Hinckley, Leicestershire, said: “I used to be an absolute b***h.
“I was horrible about others to give me a boost of power. I laughed about what other girls or colleagues were wearing and say awful things like ‘she’s too fat for that.’
“My husband thought I was a complete psycho. I recognize now how awful it is but at the time it made me feel good.
“It was a coping mechanism. But after 18 years of being a bully I realised this and made a change in my behaviour.
“Now I wake up loving life. My husband, Nigel, 51, jokes that he was married to one woman for 14 years and another for five.
“Although I’m apologetic for the impact my behaviour had on others I wouldn’t change it. It served me to be a bully at the time.”
Cally started acting out after she started answering back to her own bullies at school, realising they preyed on fear. “People used to call me ‘Smelly Kelly’ because it rhymed better than using my real name," she said.
“I had a council house hand me downs so I was an easy target. But then I realised my bullies had nothing if I wasn’t scared.
“It was a liberating feeling. I became a bully and I was awful in classes.
“I made teachers' classes hell. I remember one called me out once and she told me ‘life’s going to be difficult for you if you carry on like this'.
“I turned around and said 'life’s a b***h and so are you'.” Cally left school at 15 with no qualifications and worked in a coffee shop until a few years later she decided to make some changes and got a job in sales.
At 19 she had a health scare and ended up in hospital for eight weeks with a blood clot. Cally said: “I posted about it on Facebook and a woman commented who had been at school saying ‘it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person… she ruined my life'.
“But even that didn’t stop my bullying behaviour.”
For the next ten years Cally worked hard to work her way up in her career, but spend her days gossiping about her colleagues. "We had a group chat with some colleagues in it and I’d be constantly saying horrible things in it," she said.
“I was nasty about people in a position I wanted to be in. I’d say that women were sleeping with the men in the office to get there and awful things about how they were dressing.
“I b*****d and bullied but I worked so hard to achieve what I wanted to in life. But I reached 30 and I realised that I’d achieved all these things but I still felt worthless.
“I knew I had to make a change.”
With the support of Nigel, a postman, and their two children Milly, 12, and Hasken-Valor, seven, Cally booked herself into a spiritual retreat and worked on other ways she could cope with her past trauma, in September 2019. I went from hating myself and saying the nastiest things about others to changing that behaviour and loving everything,” she said.
“Nigel will admit that I was an absolute nightmare from the age of 16 to 30. I’m a completely different person now.
“Now I run a business helping people find self-love and working through their beliefs. Today I look back on my past actions and I think they are awful but if I hadn’t acted that way I might not have been able to cope.
"I have lots more female friends and acquaintances than I have before. Someone on my Facebook said 'you made me life hell so I can testify that was who were but can now see how different you are.'
“I think that most people who are hurting go onto hurt others because it’s a way of coping. We need to get help to the people who are hurting.”
