Dating apps may come with their pitfalls, but there are still plenty of success stories of people who fell in love after meeting online. Things may even be simpler if you’re in your 40s, have some hard-earned life experience, and have worked out what you’re looking for in a relationship.
For one such woman, though, what looked like a win after her first date with a guy she met online, turned into a bit of a fail when he suggested they visit a park for their second date. Flabbergasted by his idea, she turned to mumsnet to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable to expect more.
More info: mumsnet
Woman flabbergasted by man’s low-effort idea that their second date should involve ‘sitting in the park’
Woman, disappointed by his sub-par suggestion, turned to netizens to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable
The woman complained in her post that she’s too old to be sitting around in a park
The deflated woman told the community that all of her successful relationships started with a romantic meal
The woman, who’s in her late forties, met the man on a dating app, and agreed to get together for a drink for their first date. Says OP, “It was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humor, nice smile, good job.”
The man, also late forties, texted OP the next day to say he’d love to see her again. OP says that, since then, he’d send her the occasional text, seemingly thoughtful and remarking on things OP had mentioned.
OP’s issue arrived when, for their second date, the man asked her, “Shall we sit in the park?”. OP admits she was thrown by the idea, and asked the mumsnet community whether or not she was being unreasonable for being disappointed with the man’s suggestion.
She claims in her post that she’s way too old to be sitting around in the park and adds that that’s where she had her teenage dates. To make matters worse, the weather forecast says rain, and she knows it’s not a picnic, since the man would have mentioned it to her.
OP revealed that she thinks it’s not just a weird suggestion for a professional guy, but also a bit low effort, something she might do with a friend or colleague on a coffee date. OP also claimed that every one of her successful relationships started with a romantic meal. She then asked the community, “Is this how it is these days?”
In her article for Business Insider, Julia Naftulin, an editor on Business Insider’s Special Projects team, writes that, after a first date, it can be difficult to tell how you feel about someone.
Media representations of love could lead us to believe that there should be an instant spark, an undeniable connection that proves going on a second date is worthwhile for you and your potential lover.
But according to Erika Ettin, a dating coach who has worked with thousands of clients, you should almost always say yes to a second date, even if you don’t see metaphorical fireworks during your initial meet-cute.
“The whole point of dating is to see if you like each other enough to keep dating. Going on a second date is never a waste of time,” says Ettin.
In an article for Forbes, American psychologist, Mark Travers, Ph.D., writes that many people come to therapy feeling nervous about an upcoming second date. They ask questions like:
- “We’ve been texting less frequently. Should I be worried?”
- “What if I run out of things to talk about?”
- “What if there’s not a third date?”
While Travers admits these are all valid questions, he warns that ruminating on them can cause someone to overlook the big picture. He goes on to say, “You’re already over the first hurdle — getting past the first date is a clear sign there’s some romantic potential. A second date is an amazing opportunity to turn a spark into a flame.”
Travers goes on to say that, now that you’ve connected with your date over shared interests, choose an activity for the second date that both of you would feel right at home doing.
Travers adds that, while a second date is a chance to get serious about pursuing someone romantically, it doesn’t mean you have to go in with a list of deep questions and big expectations for romance. He says that you shouldn’t forget to enjoy the little moments and have fun together.
“Focus on how they make you feel. You learn a lot more about someone from what they do versus what they say.”, adds Travers.
Do you think OP might be judging her prospective mate a little too harshly? Should she be more open-minded about his second-date suggestion? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
In a vote held on the platform, just 51% of respondents said the woman was being unreasonable
