Most would probably agree that communication is the key to a successful relationship. It can be verbal or nonverbal, but as long as both people understand each other, it is what makes this clock tick.
But, as one Redditor shared, when it comes to defining a relationship, there is no such thing as too obvious. When a guy she had been properly dating for a year told her that he was not her boyfriend, the woman was in shock. But when, after a few days of him not addressing it, she went out for a one-night stand, the guy was mad. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
Most people dating for a year assume that they’re in a relationship, even if they never explicitly defined it, but it turns out that this doesn’t apply to everyone
Image credits: Toa Heftiba (not the actual photo)
A woman dated a guy for a year, and while they never had the conversation, everything pointed to them being a proper couple
Image credits: Adrian Swancar (not the actual photo)
One day, when the topic came up, the guy told her that he was not her boyfriend, defining their relationship as “really great friends with benefits”
Image credits: Becca Tapert (not the actual photo)
The woman felt horrible and started ignoring his calls and messages, and when he finally offered to meet, she told him she was tired after spending a night with another guy
Image credits: u/OnlyVideo78
When the man realized she wasn’t lying, he became very upset, calling her a cheater and a jerk and adding that she broke his heart
The OP and the guy she thought was her boyfriend had been dating for a year, and everything looked perfect. But things took a turn for the worse when one weekend, while they were spending time together as usual, she brought him pancakes to bed.
The guy joked that the poster was spoiling him, so she answered that she wanted to spoil her man. However, instead of saying something nice, the guy replied that he was not her man. To make it worse, when she first took it as another joke, he made sure to clarify it, adding that he’d describe them as “really great friends with benefits.”
The woman felt sick, and after the man finished his pancakes, she asked him to leave, pretending to have cleaning and paperwork planned. He kept messaging and calling her, but she didn’t answer, and when he came over, she pretended to be sick and told him she didn’t want him to stay.
Over the next few days, she barely answered the guy, and when she did, she kept it short. She didn’t even congratulate him on his birthday, but the guy didn’t bring up the issue once.
A few days later, the guy texted the OP, telling her how terribly he missed her and asking to meet for dinner. She replied that she was tired because she had been out with a guy the previous night and wanted to spend some time alone.
The guy was soon at her door, asking if she was lying. The woman explained that she wasn’t, as they weren’t a couple, and she was free to do whatever she wanted. The man then called her a cheater and a jerk for breaking his heart like that, making the woman question her decision.
The commenters didn’t have any doubt when pronouncing the OP as not the jerk of the story. Many of them related to the woman with similar stories of their own, but all of them agreed that having to explicitly declare the couple status is not something that we leave behind when we enter adulthood.
Image credits: Claudia Wolff (not the actual photo)
Committing to someone is a huge step in life, and it is not always easy. However, it seems that some people find it not only challenging but also scary, which is known as fear of commitment.
As per Cleveland Clinic, it turns out that this fear has a name: gamophobia. Many people tend to keep it to themselves or are not able to recognize that they have it, but it is estimated that roughly 1 in 10 adults and twice as many teenagers in America deal with this specific anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.
Gamophobia can be caused by many different reasons, including past traumatic experiences, a desire for independence, family history, genetics, or the gender assigned at birth, as women are more likely to develop this disorder than men.
At the same time, people are not limited to having only one phobia, and when they have multiple, they’re usually connected. For instance, fear of commitment often comes with fear of love (philophobia), fear of trusting others (pistanthrophobia), fear of sexual acts or intimacy (genophobia), and fear of abandonment.
Dealing with this phobia is not easy, but nothing is impossible. Charlie Health recommends attempting to treat it through therapy guided by a professional, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), where a therapist can help you learn to change negative thought patterns and manage your anxiety, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which can help you cope with the past traumatic experiences.
If the main thing raising these obstacles is anxiety, another way to deal with this fear could be through taking antidepressants like Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs). However, regardless of what seems the most acceptable to you, the first step would be consulting with a doctor who can help determine what type of therapy fits you best.
In the end, having fears is a very human thing. We all go through many experiences, and every single one of them leaves at least some kind of mark on us. But while they might seem scary, there are almost always ways to deal with them. The important part is not to neglect them, or we might end up scarring not only ourselves but also others close to us, like what happened to the OP and her partner.
What did you think about this story? Would you have done anything differently? Tell us all about it in the comments below!
The commenters supported the woman, saying that having to explicitly agree to be a boyfriend and a girlfriend when everything else points to it already is very immature
