Some parents never really accept the simple fact that once their kids are adults, they need to be able to live their own lives. After all, most children count the days towards “independence” and are unlikely to give any of it up once they reach maturity. So some parents employ underhanded schemes to get their adult children to do what they want.
A woman vented online about her immature and manipulative parents who threw a tantrum and skipped a family BBQ over her getting a tattoo. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Most of us have done something our parents would not approve of
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman ended up being stressed and anxious when her parents threw a fit over her having a tattoo
Image credits: Askar Abayev / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
She later added some more thoughts
Image credits: ProfessorPizza
Abusers find ways to trick their victims into staying
For those who are curious, “DARVO,” as referenced by the woman in her update as well as some of the comments, stands for “Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender.” In short, this is a strategy used, generally, by abusive partners to “remove” blame from themselves and shift it towards the victim.
While in this story, it’s not an abusive partner and the actual abuse might not need law enforcement intervention, it’s quite telling just how well it covers the parent’s behavior. They refuse to communicate, constantly gaslight their daughter into thinking things are ok, while also making sure to ruin her day. They seem to truly think they are allowed to control their adult daughter and are willing to hurt her when they feel like it.
After all, keeping her in limbo is undoubtedly something that they know makes her deeply anxious. Instead of being good parents and doing their best to prevent any unnecessary worries, they instead are trying to maximize the mental stress they inflict. For example, they don’t share plans, strategically ignore calls and texts while constantly saying platitudes like “I love you more than anything!”
Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) / pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s not enough to say you love someone, you have to show it
Love isn’t just words, it has to contain acts as well. It’s already absurd enough that these parents have such a strong opinion about, of all things, tattoos, that they are perfectly willing to make it get in the way of any relationship with their own child, who is a thirty four year old independent adult.
Indeed, just the fact that they are so insistent on controlling not only her life but her literal body should be all the evidence needed to cut ties immediately. It can be hard to face the fact that one’s family are not good people, but ultimately, in situations like this, it’s best to not waste time and energy with folks who go out of their way to hurt you. This is why many people disown their own parents as soon as the opportunity arises.
Image credits: Анастасия Триббиани / pexels (not the actual photo)
Parents are not entitled to control their adult children
It’s not entirely clear why the parents are so controlling. Perhaps they are the classic helicopter parents who don’t know how to stop. Or they are just narcissists and can’t stand not having their way, even if it’s not their life at all. The way they specifically act in ways to hurt their daughter would indicate the latter. One clear sign is their utter inflexibility. For example, it’s not that uncommon for older generations to dislike tattoos. However, they hold this position so strongly that they are willing to cancel events over it and gaslight their own daughter.
Similarly, they are pretty happy to keep her in the dark for the entire time, just so she keeps engaging with them, texting, calling, worrying. The controlling part is also a key indicator of narcissism. Generally, narcissists are obsessed with themselves, but parents of this kind often see their kids as an extension of themselves. The result is that in their warped minds, the children now also need to conform to whatever belief system they have.
Last, but not least, the woman’s behavior also matches that of a child of a narcissist. She seems attached to them, despite the way they treat her. Indeed, it would appear that until netizens did their best to help her, she was unaware that her parents were acting strange in the first place. The fact that her parents seem to be aware of just how much stress they are causing is reason enough for her to truly consider if she even wants them in her life, let alone at a BBQ.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Other readers expressed their support and offered her some advice
