Friendships can become complicated when one becomes a parent while the other remains single. Some of the worst cases can lead to rifts that are difficult to mend, which is unfortunate for everyone involved.
The author of this story was recently engaged and decided not to invite their longtime friend Millie to the celebration. According to them, Millie has been absent from many other life events since she became a mother two years prior, so they saw no point in inviting her this time around.
The incident caused a strain between the two, as the author insists Millie could have shown up more “if she actually cared.” Scroll down for the entire story.
Parenthood can complicate a relationship between two friends where only one of them has a child to care for
Image credits: Media_photos/Envato (not the actual photo)
The author of this story chose not to invite their longtime friend to an important life event because of the latter’s repeated absence due to motherhood
Image credits: AnnaStills/Envato (not the actual photo)
The incident caused a rift between the two friends, who’ve known each other since they were in college
Image credits: No-Rough-3283
Having a baby can change the course of friendships, even long-standing ones
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A massive priority shift happens once a person has a child, and spending less time with friends is among those changes. Journalist Chloe Lovell experienced this when she became pregnant with her first child.
In her article for Cosmopolitan, Lovell admitted feeling “a stab of jealousy” after seeing her six friends during a gathering she wasn’t invited to. After talking to one of them about it, she was told they were only looking out for her since she wasn’t feeling well because of the constant morning sickness.
However, experts say that feeling left out during pregnancy is normal for a woman to feel. As therapist Tasha Bailey told Lovell in an interview, feeling a “sense of loss” comes with being an expecting mother who is about to embark on new life responsibilities.
“You might worry about being forgotten or mourning parts of your life before parenthood,” Bailey said.
Bailey adds that people tend to assume that new mothers may want more space, something Lovell experienced firsthand. Social media feeds and seeing friends live life without you may also add to the “FOMO.”
However, in the author’s account, Millie seemed to have expected her friends to adjust to her situation. It was the exact opposite of what Lovell felt towards her close companions.
The lack of communication can lead to ruined friendships more than anything
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In the story, Millie’s priority shift isn’t to blame for her strained relationship with the author. Instead, experts point to the lack of communication.
In an interview with Well and Good, psychotherapist Rena Staub Fisher returned to the classic saying, “If there’s a will, there’s a way.”
“With a little love and some direct communication, it’s totally possible to carry our friendships with us through different phases of our lives,” Fisher said, adding that the failure to address the lifestyle gap could make non-parents feel “sidelined and forgotten.”
Because of that gap, new parents often resort to building new friendships with people who share their experiences. But it doesn’t always have to be that way.
As Oakland-based psychotherapist Sara Ouimette said in the same interview, it’s all about finding balance to make the friendship work. You don’t necessarily have to be on the same life journey to do so.
“You may no longer be on the very same path, but that doesn’t mean you cannot make a point to meet up on your own separate paths,” Oumette said.
In the story, Millie could have made an effort to allot a day to spend with her friends or attend the author’s engagement. And while their sentiments and frustrations are understandable, the author could have nonetheless sent an invite to Millie and avoided the unwanted drama.
What do you think, readers? Who do you think was in the wrong here?
Many commenters thought the author’s actions were valid
However, some of them pinned the blame on everyone involved
