Preparing food for others can certainly be a love language. No matter how long I have to spend in the kitchen, it’s worth it when I get to see my friends’ eyes light up as they take a bite of a delicious homecooked lasagna or warm chocolate chip cookie. But when we cook for others, it’s best not to expect anything in return. Otherwise, the evening might turn from sweet to sour extremely quickly.
One woman recently posted a story on Reddit detailing how a friend’s dinner party took a sharp turn at the end of the evening when the host started asking for payment. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
Throwing a dinner party can be a great way to bring friends closer together
Image credits: AnnaStills / Envato (not the actual photo)
But one host managed to destroy her friendships after deciding to charge guests for the meal she prepared
Later, the woman clarified some details about the situation
Image credits: zamrznutitonovi / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: jennysaysfu
Readers assured the author that it was extremely unreasonable for the host to demand payment
The woman then shared an update after her friend group confronted the host
Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: jennysaysfu
Sharing a meal is an excellent way to bond with loved ones
One of the unfortunate realities of adulthood is that it’s not always easy to gather friends together. Grabbing a quick coffee during the middle of the week might be possible if you have the same lunch break as a friend, but spending good, quality time together catching up and bonding can require booking a date months in advance. According to Civic Science, only 43% of Americans hang out with friends on a daily or weekly basis. One fifth don’t even get to see friends monthly!
So when we do have the chance to see our loved ones, we want to ensure that the time is spent being really present and strengthening our existing relationships. And one of the best ways to build a stronger bond is by sharing a meal together. As much fun as it may be to prepare a delicious meal for yourself, it’s much more exciting and rewarding to get to do so for someone else.
Your grandmother probably wouldn’t spend all day making stew and baking pie if you weren’t about to visit her, and you’re likely going to put much more effort into your dinner if you have a date coming over. “To labor alone and, especially, to eat alone, is not only shameful in many cultural contexts, it is often considered monstrous or sub-human,” Harry G. West at The MIT Press Reader writes.
When we share a meal with loved ones, we have the opportunity to slow down, sit down and be present with only the food and our conversations. The joy that we feel from eating something delectable will be amplified by the happiness we feel when sharing funny stories with friends and catching up on each other’s lives.
Dinner parties are much cozier and more intimate than dining out
And while we can’t turn every single meal into a 4-hour event, and the world is moving in a direction where the average person eats over 7 meals alone each week, it’s important to remember to make time for special, shared meals whenever possible. Food is a wonderful way to exchange cultures, celebrate holidays, learn about our own ancestors, create bonds with others and express love.
If you want to show your friends how much you cherish them, invite them over for a dinner party. You might need to spend the bulk of the day standing over the stove or setting oven timers, but it will certainly be worth it when you’re all gathered around devouring delicious bowls of soup, salad, pasta and exchanging juicy stories about each other’s lives.
It may be simpler to eat out at a restaurant, but it’s so much cozier and more intimate to host friends at home. You have complete control over the music, the menu and the ambiance, and there’s no need to be rushed out at 10 p.m. just because the kitchen is closing.
Now, in this story, it seems like finances were an important concern of the host. And in this day and age, we’re all feeling the effects of inflation. The cost of groceries has gone up a whopping 25.2% since February 2020, and the vast majority of us have not seen a significant rise in our salaries. So it’s understandable that preparing a large meal for many guests might be a big expense.
Hosting should be a labor of love, not a way to squeeze money out of friends
But the issue is that the host never asked her guests ahead of time if they could contribute to the costs of the evening. And it’s very unlikely that she actually spent $40 on groceries per person. It might be fair to split the cost of dinner with a friend if you’re out at a restaurant and it’s clear how much each of you owe, but whatever happened to simply treating our friends because we love and care about them?
The Los Angeles Times published a piece investigating whether or not we should be charging each other for meals in one another’s homes. And according to Crystal L. Bailey, director of the Etiquette Institute of Washington, this completely ruins the purpose of inviting friends into your home.
“Hosting is taking care of that experience and that person. It’s not even a socioeconomic thing, no matter how difficult it is to get a meal together,” Bailey told the LA Times. “We think of being able to break bread with people, and there is not that financial transaction when you’re inviting someone into your home.”
But if you’re really unable to host a dinner party without asking for your friends to pitch in, the etiquette expert says you should be upfront and honest from the start. Your pals might be happy to throw in $20 for a great meal, or they might tell you not to worry about the hassle and just host a potluck instead. Communication is key.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Would you ever be willing to pay for a dinner party at a friend’s house? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing dinner party drama, look no further than right here!
Readers were shocked by the host’s behavior and assured the woman that her reaction was warranted
