A woman who went celibate after a breakup claims it was the best experience of her life - as she was able to 'reclaim power' by no longer depending on men for her happiness. Mariemilia Cedeno said after having sex with a guy she dated last summer the 'bubble popped', leaving her deeply hurt and realising how dependent she was on a romantic connection.
The 23-year-old decided to abstain from dating in June, which saw her ditch the apps, no longer text men in her contacts and politely decline any date offers. Mariemilia said her six-month romantic sabbatical 'changed everything'. She claims it abolished her need for male gratification, redefined her boundaries in relationships and gained more self-respect.
Mariemilia says making herself the 'main character' of her life through removing romantic distractions was so transformative it even enabled her to leave a job she disliked, start her own business and follow her dreams.
The expansion coach has now reopened the gates to dating, but removed any pressure attached to it, as she has a lot of faith that Mr Right will eventually come along.
The TikToker posted about her experience online and racked up 398,200 likes, comments and shares - with other women flocking to the posts to share how equally beneficial abstinence was for them.
She's now encouraging others to give it a go as she believes you have 'nothing to lose and everything to gain'.
Mariemilia, of Miami, Florida, US, said: "I went abstinent and abstained from any kind of romantic relationship.
"It was the best experience of my life to that day I posted about it. I've since then had more beautiful experiences, but I'll always remember it.
"I got my power back, I feel free. The little things that would really bog me down about relationships before don't really anymore.
"My happiness is no longer dependent on whether or not I have a boy calling me pretty, I can call myself pretty.
"I'm only going to have sex with people that I love now because anything that I can get from somebody that I don't want relationships from, I could get a vibrator and do it myself.
"I want love and connection. I am dating again and want a serious relationship with somebody that I really see a future with and I think that's so beautiful.
"I'm very proud of myself. I've gained so much self-respect, it's insane."
Mariemilia said that another reason for abstaining was so that she could have time to figure out what she wanted in a partner, rather than just dating for the sake of it.
Mariemilia said: "I was in a relationship for three years and since that I hadn't liked anybody until over the summer I met this guy that I really connected with and liked.
"But because I liked him so much I ended up sleeping with him after the fourth date and then after that, it was like the bubble popped.
"It really left me very hurt and I realised how much I wanted to be loved and cared for romantically, and how dependent I was on that.
"After I broke up with that boyfriend I was very destroyed because I was fully dependent on him emotionally.
"My happiness was very dependent on another person, so I saw going abstinent as a way to reclaim my power so now I know that I'm not dependent, at all.
"When I do go out with someone and sleep with them, it's solely because of my pleasure, enjoyment and my own love."
The TikToker said that she'd head out with her friends and get approached by men, who she kindly told she was unable to date until after her December 1st deadline.
Mariemilia said that being off the dating scene saw her reap an array of benefits, from spending more time alone and having different conversations, away from men, with her girlfriends.
Mariemilia said: "I was like a different person because it taught me so much about my relationship with men.
"One of the biggest effects that it had is that I understand the importance of you being the centre of your life at all times, even when you have a partner.
"I want my partner to be the centre of his life and I should get to walk it with him."
Initially finding it hard turning down amazing dates, Mariemilia said it got easier as her priorities shifted.
Mariemilia said: "I found it very helpful to set a specific date of its ending because it gave me a goal but funny enough when it came, I didn't want it to end.
"On December 1st I opened the gates to dating but again I don't see myself having sex until I'm with someone that I really care about and cares about me.
"I downloaded dating apps but it didn't really go well to be honest.
"Not because there wasn't matches but because it was so transactional - you're constantly swiping and matching and starting half-assed conversations that don't go anywhere.
"You get lucky if you actually end up making plans with someone.
"Any time I met someone and there was a connection I would immediately burden myself with the expectation and judgement of how it was going to go.
"I would think 'that's it, that's my next boyfriend, my husband, I'm done', but that's not what happens anymore.
"Now I think 'maybe it will be him, maybe it won't, that's ok though, I don't need it to be him'.
"I've taken the pressure off because I'm not afraid to be alone anymore, I enjoy it actually.
"I figured that my energy could go to myself and have a lot of faith that the person will come when the time's right.
"I'd tell others that they have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
"At the end of the day it's only six months of your life."
The expansion coach shared her experience on TikTok along with that of a recent date, which amassed more than 2,500 comments.
One user wrote: "Yesss, I was celibate like this for a year and came out more confident and unwilling to settle for less than a man who treats me like a queen."
Another commented: "Same, it’s actually extremely addicting now to be alone and celibate."
A third wrote: "Celibate for a year and a half, best decision I’ve ever made. I had NO boundaries with men. Now I accept nothing less than what I deserve."
A fourth commented: "Been celibate four months and my head has never been clearer."
Do you have a story to share? Email paige.freshwater@reachplc.com.
