Having kids can be expensive. Experts say that daycare, in particular, has never been pricier. Childcare platform Care estimated that center-based daycare for an infant costs around $321 per week and $293 for a toddler. Similarly, home-based infant daycares cost $230, and home-based toddler daycares might set parents back $219 per week.
That’s why many parents turn to family members to babysit and watch their kids. But one aunt sparked a debate about whether that’s fair. After constantly having to babysit her sister’s baby, she started wondering why family members are expected to provide childcare for free. After all, professionals get paid to do it, so why should aunts, grandmas, and cousins do it for free?
Childcare is work and professionals get paid to do it, yet family members are expected to babysit for free
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This didn’t sit right with one woman, so she asked what opinions people online had
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Image source: dream_bean_94
The debate over whether family members deserve compensation for babysitting has been brewing for quite some time
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Taking care of a child, especially when they’re an infant or a toddler, can be hard. It’s not just food and sleep they need. They require constant attention: snacks, diapers, spending time outside, and playing. So it’s understandable some family members might act upset when parents ask them to babysit for free.
As Therapist Abbey Sangmeister explained to Care, assuming grandparents, aunts, and uncles watching kids for free might be a thing of the past. “Generations ago, it was a village that helped care and raise children. We are seeing less of this, and parents are struggling.”
The reality is that hiring a babysitter or a nanny is quite expensive. UrbanSitter claims that the average hourly rate in the U.S. in 2024 is about $23.61 for one child. And SitterCity claims that babysitters earn around $17.50 per hour. So some parents cannot afford to hire a professional. They might even be unable to compensate their family members for babysitting.
Therapist and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling, Bonnie Scott, also told Care how the babysitting debate can cause resentment among family members. “To ignore the emotional and physical labor you’re asking someone else to do for you doesn’t benefit anyone in that relationship.”
Some people think parents should pay family members for babysitting services
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Etiquette expert Lizzie Post told Scary Mommy that every family is different when it comes to whether or not parents should pay family members for childcare. Some family members might be willing to offer up their free time and babysit, but others might be unable to spare that kind of time.
This requires empathy from both sides: parents should understand family members might want to get compensation for their time, and parents might not have any other option but to ask their family members to watch their kid(s) for free.
However, Post also says that parents shouldn’t assume family members will do it for free. Offering to reimburse the sitter is always a nice gesture. It doesn’t even have to be a competitive hourly rate or something fancy if the parents can’t afford it.
“Offer what you feel comfortable paying, and give family members the opportunity to speak up if your offer doesn’t seem right,” Post said. “It’s fine to negotiate and talk about it.”
If money, gifts, or other forms of compensation are off the table, Post says to at least make the babysitting experience for the family member as simple as possible. She says it’s good etiquette to bring the kid(s) fed with snacks, toys, diapers, and even a planned activity.
Others call paid babysitting absurd: “You’re building a relationship with your nephew/niece,” they say
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The other side of this debate has parents and family members who babysit claiming that even the idea of paying a family member for childcare is absurd. One such woman even went on TikTok to express her disbelief. “The fact that other people feel like they would need to be paid to hang out with their nieces, nephews, grandkids… is so messed up,” Kaitlyn Wilson said in a TikTok video.
Wilson is also a former babysitter, and she claims that receiving money for looking after her nephew would make it feel like hanging out with him is obligatory. “When you’re paid, you might provide the bare minimum [of care],” she told Today.
Some people might even trust their relatives more with their children than a stranger, even if they are professionals. Asking a family member to babysit might also be easier in terms of flexibility, both for the sitter and the parents. Childcare by a relative can also be a better alternative to daycares, as the child is in an environment where they’re comfortable, avoiding unnecessary anxiety.
“A lot of the intergenerational trauma in my family stems from people having children they can’t care for,” the author explained
Many people sided with the OP and urged her to set a clear boundary
