Lake George Winery owner Sarah McDougall is speaking about how she is determined to forge ahead in the face of the tragic loss of her husband Anthony to suicide last August.
Sarah says she is focused on providing a happy life for their children Eloise, seven, and Ryder, six, and ensuring the winery not only survives, but thrives.
She doesn't feel resilient, but she does feel brave.
"People have said I'm strong, but for me it's all about being brave and, you know, it's the rest of our lives and no one ever plans to be in this position," she said.
"However, it's just about getting out there and normalising as much as what we can and, you know, living a happy life. I've got a good, at least, hopefully, 35 years left. So who knows what we can do here at Lake George Winery?"
The McDougalls, who operated the Summerhill Road label out of Bywong for six years, bought the 113-hectare property on the shores of Lake George in 2018.
"This was our dream, to build a wonderful home and a vineyard and a business together with our family," Sarah said.
"So, you know, our dream will continue. He is here in spirit which is really nice but we've got lots of work to do."
Sarah said her husband had been suffering from mental health issues and was on the brink of seeking professional help just before his death.
Anthony, who has three older children, as well as Eloise and Ryder, is regularly mentioned in their conversation, the loss still raw. Ryder wears a necklace with his father's ashes in it.
"We explained to the kids that daddy wasn't okay and as the kids said to me that, you know, 'Daddy's brain was broken'. And we just have to really normalise that Daddy took his life, and, you know, it's okay not to be okay and for people to reach out and speak out to family and friends and get expert advice, because nobody ever wants to put their family in this situation that we're in," Sarah said.
"However, we're trying to be positive about it and move on and, you know, this is the rest of our lives, you know. And having a wonderful time doing what we do out there in the vineyard."
Sarah is certainly a force of nature. She oversees the winery's restaurant Westering, which is back open for bookings. She is about to open a fourth tiny home on the picturesque property. And this year's vintage is looking to be a special, if bittersweet one, with picking to start at the end of February.
"After the last couple of years that haven't been too great to anyone in agriculture, this year has been fantastic," Sarah said.
"We've had the right amount of rain and the warm days and so far we're looking at, fingers crossed, a bumper crop. And we will be welcoming people out like we do every year but this year will be a little bit more special as the vineyard turns 50 and welcoming people to come out and come and help us pick and learn how we make wine and so they'll be more picking and stomping and of course feasting and drinking wine."
Sarah and the children have moved back to Canberra, just around the corner from her mother. It means work and home are separated, and that feels manageable. She believes she is now the only sole female owner of a winery in the district and that is a role she will carry with passion and with pride.
"I love championing the diversity card in the wine industry," she said.
"And here now in Canberra being the sole [female] owner of a winery, which makes me the only one, which is quite exciting, actually, what we can do and what the future holds."
Sarah also sits on the board of Australian Grape and Wine and Destination NSW. She believes she has found her niche in tourism and is passionate about promoting both the area and the winery.
And Anthony will always be a part of her vision. There is a private plaque for him on the property. The children have placed pieces of LEGO and sunflowers next to it.
"Because he loved LEGO," Ryder said.
"And sunflowers," adds Eloise.
- Lake George Winery is off the Federal Highway at 173 The Vineyards Road, Lake George. The cellar door is open Thursday to Sunday 11am to 4pm. Westering restaurant is open Friday to Sunday 11am to 3pm. More detail at www.lakegeorgewinery.com.au/
Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732.
