Rudy Giuliani is a pornographic man, in the most literal sense of the term. He exists in a constant state of glorifying the human body, in all its carnal forms: He farts and sweats and melts and adjusts himself without a hint of shame or reservation, and in doing so embraces his fundamental physicality. And yet, for someone who revels in the vulgar meatiness of daily life, Rudy sure seems like a huge, baby-soft wuss when it comes to actual physical contact with other human beings — particularly those who AMBUSH him in an unguarded moment, subjecting him to a HEINOUS ATTACK in full view of a New York City grocery store and God and everybody.
If you haven’t guessed (or, I suppose, even heard) by now, I’m talking about Giuliani’s alleged “assault” at a Staten Island ShopRite on Sunday evening. Here’s how he croakily described the encounter to fellow past-his-prime New York character Curtis Sliwa:
