LAS VEGAS — Prohibitive favorite Christapher “KO Chris” Thomas slapped his right palm flush, at maximum torque, against the left cheek of Jesus Gaspar-Diaz last Saturday night at the UFC Apex.
It’s the pop of a firecracker.
Eight miles due east, an elderly man, wearing a blue “Pitt” warm-up jacket and resting his chin on his hands on a cane as he sat to the rear of the Green Valley Ranch (GVR) sportsbook, viewed the impact 10 feet from a television screen.
He winced.
“I felt that one,” he said, “over here!”
The lone swing of that contest gave Thomas the inaugural welterweight world championship and silvery title belt in the first live televised slap event from Dana White’s diabolical laboratory.
Power Slap 1 provided eight preliminary bouts and four world-title contests, more than 3½ hours of amazing and befuddling bemusement, invoking joules, newtons, kinetic energy and watts of target impact.
I strolled out into the evening thinking, What, exactly, is next? Humans and lions —ad bestias, to the beasts — in The Colosseum at Caesars Palace?
“The lions would be big favorites,” veteran oddsman Dave Sharapan told me Sunday, “very, very big favorites. The number would have a lot of zeroes behind it. The underdog to win? Maximus, right? That guy would get a lot of bets.”
Sharapan had some fun with it, but it’s something he’s pondered.
“That’s my question. If you work in a sportsbook or are looking to make bets, you understand. You get it. This is the world we live in. It’s just another betting opportunity, whether it’s the NCAA Tournament or slap fighting.
“The question really becomes, What’s next?”
REAL COMPETITION?
I trekked last Saturday to GVR at noon to watch college hoops with a usual gang consisting of Saint John, Fast Freddie and Minnesota Paul. By 2:30, Saint John and I had discovered the lineups and odds of Power Slap I.
(I dubbed Great Northwest native John Hedges “Saint John” years ago, when he’d show at the book with enough grub for others. Such generosity is uncommon in such a crude, cruel and unforgiving environs.)
No other sport mattered. We researched the strikers and event, building up anticipation, learning that each participant received $2,000, the victor winning another $2,000.
Strikers can’t step, basically, and those being hit can’t flinch. A coin flip determines who goes first.
“No defense,” Sharapan said. “That’s the thing for me. You stand there and take the hardest shot you can from the other guy. I’d want to go first, and if he’s still standing I’d go, ‘All right, you win.’
“Can’t protect yourself or play defense? Is that really a competition? I don’t think so. I don’t know.”
In November, the Nevada State Athletic Commission approved power slapping, so a raft of judges, officials and physicians are never far from the table at the center of the seven-step-high canvas.
Thus, the state’s Gaming Control Board gave the green light, and the books supply the sheets with the matches and odds.
EYES OPEN
Rumble streamed Power Slap 1. Saint John found the free service on his smart phone, which he plugged into an outlet and set horizontally, against a partition between our wooden cubicles.
After a few minutes, we noticed it high on a side monitor and a portion of one of GVR’s five huge screens. We accessed it on the TVs in our individual cubicles. Saint John stashed his device.
Poor Carrese “One Punch” Archer. In the card’s second bout, he couldn’t stop flinching against Travis “Tenacious” Aragon’s right paw. Aragon got additional penalty strikes. Archer was disqualified.
Saint John and I discussed whether we’d keep our eyes open or shut.
“I’d want to see it coming,” Saint John said. “With my eyes closed, I’d get dizzy, anyway. With open eyes, I could stare him down if he didn’t hit me well.”
We were becoming experts, spotting fingers-heavy bum slaps. It’s important, Saint John said, to have a compact face; the less surface area to sustain a palm’s damage, the better.
A passerby shook his head and zipped away when spotting what’s on our screens.
“He’s upset,” Saint John said, “and we’re excited!”
In the light-heavyweight title bout, Ayjay “Static” Hintz supposedly sported the card’s strongest neck strength, at 469 newtons, which keyed the bout.
After sustaining a big blow by Vernon “The Mechanic” Cathey, Hintz, a +160 underdog, composed himself and KO’d Cathey, who had been 2-0 but had never been slapped.
To cap the evening, +250 underdog Ron “Wolverine” Bata overcame an 0-3 lifetime record against Darius “The Destroyer” Mata-Varona to zap the Destroyer with a devastating upward wind-up and follow-through.
CAN’T NOT WATCH
White had said when the first season of his slapping show aired in bars, last fall, there’d be nobody NOT watching it, and he proclaimed Power Slap 1 a success.
Two days later, he revealed Rumble as its permanent home. He will mine Russia, Eastern Europe and South Africa for world-class strikers to highlight a second TV series, based in Abu Dhabi.
And, in a Power Slap 2, he’ll match the elite of that group against some of Saturday’s victors.
I returned home, still uncertain about the spectacle, the circus, the train-wreck novelty of watching someone smack a defenseless someone else. I only know I needed an ice pack — the neck was very sore.
