I am a 22-year-old man who is still a virgin. I have had three failed sexual encounters in which I was with a girl I was really into, but couldn’t get an erection because of stress and anxiety. In one case, the girl told all her friends that I couldn’t get an erection. I worked with a lot of them at the time and they looked at me differently after she told them. It ate away at my confidence and it still haunts me. I often avoid flirting with women to prevent myself from getting into a similar situation again. I am healthy, 1.8m (5ft 10in) tall and weigh 84kg (13st 3lb) and I work in a physically demanding construction job, so I don’t think it is a physical problem. I believe it is all in my head. Every time I get into a situation in which I feel as if I could have sex, I start sweating and become very anxious. What can I do to stop these invasive thoughts from destroying my sex life?
Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and fun. Anxiety, fear and any type of performance or body concern can significantly reduce a person’s ability to enjoy intimacy and participate fully in love-making. It is really unfortunate that you were betrayed by someone whose indiscretion has further lowered your confidence, and has even made you avoid sex altogether.
