If you Google Boris Johnson while online in India, a brilliant YouTube video shows him at the Gateway of India in Mumbai, doing bewildering things on a very small bicycle. Built during the British empire to welcome King George V on his visit to the country in 1911, it is now a tourist site populated by young lovers, wastrels, pickpockets and photographers trying to scam foreigners. The video was shot in 2012, when Johnson was mayor of London. Loiterers look on, baffled by this British man in a suit going round in circles, being chased by photographers who eventually give up.
It was a strange way to promote British-Indian trade, a bit like an Indian prime minister sitting on a wild elephant in the middle of the Royal Albert Hall, telling the world that India is open for business. The goal was to increase “bilateral deals”. This term, which no one understands, is often accompanied by photos of British and Indian diplomats sitting at very long colonial tables with leather folders and tea, smiling like extras in a Raj-era film. The British look as if they can’t wait for the meeting to end so that they can go off and buy custom suits at half-price, while the Indians look relieved, probably because whatever it is they are trying to negotiate, at least it isn’t independence.
