Every couple has their own little in jokes, preferences and perhaps even preferred insults, but it’s pretty easy to take things too far if you don’t have a filter. However, there are certain things that are probably best to not use against your partner, particularly if they tell you pretty clearly that they want you to stop it.
A man wondered if he was wrong to leave his wife of over two decades after tiring of her constantly calling him unmanly. We reached out to the man who shared the story via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
Repeatedly attacking your partner is a sure way to get them to leave
Image credits: Brooke Cagle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Which is what one man did when he tired of his wife calling him unmanly
Image credits: Jason Briscoe / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwra_manly
Masculinity can truly take many forms
This story is a classic case of “you can’t please everyone” as the man does report a lot of traits that many people would see as traditionally masculine. Indeed, “repairing cars” is one of those things that is so stereotypically “masculine” that if written into a novel or film, might seem cheap. However, these are actually not that common skills, as the average male car owner tends to not know how to do major repairs on his vehicle.
This is a simple, almost childish example, but it’s worth noting that it’s so blatant that the wife ignoring it seems almost questionable. Some researchers believe that in many cases, masculinity is defined by the rejection of “female” traits. In other words, no matter how many “masculine” traits this man has, the fact that he is ok sometimes driving a small car is enough to paint him as unmanly in her eyes.
This is ultimately reductive, because a person rejecting “feminine” concepts out of fear of not being masculine is, in of itself, somewhat unmanly. This could be a sort of misogyny, where she dislikes certain “feminine” traits, particularly ones he has and she doesn’t, so she tries to create a framework where he is wrong for being the person he is.
For example, calling him a doormat for not picking fights or engaging in road rage is pretty silly, yet she seems to be pretty adamant about this kind of behavior. If you perceive any slight as an insult, as in, something that needs to be resolved, presumably with words or fists, then anyone who does less will be unmanly in your eyes, even if random violence like that is downright unsustainable.
The wife seems insufferable
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There is of course the possibility that she is just unhappy and is finding reasons to complain. Even if he listened to less pop and stuck to his more powerful car, she might find some fault in the color of his shoes or perhaps the way he walks. It’s important to recognize that at certain parts of life, there will be people who simply can’t be pleased. These sort of toxic folks are best to be kept at a distance.
As the many supportive comments note, he sounds like a great guy and pretty masculine, all things considered. Perhaps his ex wanted even more, which is fair, but her method wasn’t to communicate her needs but to throw so many insults that he left a multi decade marriage. The fact that he immediately felt better points to her simply being insufferable.
This all goes to show that, while it is important to listen to your partner, there are times where their insecurities dominate the conversation and you sometimes need to assess if the psychological damage they are doing to you is even worth it. This woman sounded insufferable, even if the man was quite “unmanly,” unfortunately, it took literal decades for him to put the pieces together.
Many readers were supportive
