Re Gaby Hinsliff’s article on what to say to people grieving (There’s no right thing to say to people who are grieving, but the worst thing is fearing to speak at all, 24 November), my husband of 40 years died suddenly and I had a huge variety of responses. A close friend sent a message saying: “So he’s walked off again without telling you where he was going, has he?” I loved that because it showed that she knew something about our relationship and it made me laugh.
Someone else, who was also widowed, said: “It’s hard, but it’s doable” – which gave me courage. I agree that the worst thing is to say nothing, but please don’t say: “Oh well, you can always get married again.” As if my husband was replaceable, like a vacuum cleaner.
Lesley Barnes
Greenford, London
