Love Island is back - and with its new host Maya Jama and new South African villa, it’s promising to be bigger than ever....
That’s bigger in terms of hype, bigger in terms of viewers, bigger in terms of budget and even bigger in the square footage of the villa.
Indeed only one thing won’t be bigger - the contestants’ dress sizes.
For the new season of ITV2’s hit show has just unveiled its latest crop of Islanders hoping to find love.
And considering they’ve scoured the country - and Instagram - looking for the most suitable singles, we can only surmise - everyone size 14 or above must be happily attached.
Yes, that’s right, there’s clearly not a single plus-size man or woman in their 20s in need of finding love. So congratulations to all those Bridget Jones types out there, who’ve found their other halves already. I’m thrilled for you, I really am.
Why am I so confident there’s no plus size singles left?
Because each series we’re told ITV has sought out the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes to put in the villa.
And while the show’s been lauded for its diversity and inclusivity (including Tasha Ghouri raising awareness of her “superpower” cochlear [CORR] implant last year), there’s something every lookalikely bunch has in common.
They probably last ate a carb in primary school and haven’t touched sugar since they were sat in a high chair, convinced the spoon was an aeroplane.
This year’s hopefuls are once more preened, primped, perma-tanned and possibly prone to a trout pout - whatever their identifying gender.
And once more, their suitcases will be no doubt rammed with all the old Love Island essentials - skimpy swimwear, hair extensions and a bag of make-up so big it could be used as a doorstop. (Again, whatever their identifying gender).
But one thing they definitely won’t be packing is a spare tyre.
For it seems everyone can find love on Love Island except if you’re plus size.
Yes, yes, they’ve had the occasional curvy girl before: Critics will point to last year’s Kardashian-curved Ekin-Su for starters.
But while a bit of junk in the trunk is socially acceptable, can you truly say there’s ever been anyone with a jelly belly and thunder thighs who’s been given the chance to find love in the villa?
And why does the thought have to be so impossible to comprehend?
Do people forgo the chance of love once they reach a certain BMI? Or are chubby couples like the same sex couples of the 50s? The super-phobic public are 'okay' with them existing - as long as they stay behind closed doors?
Of course, Love Island isn’t the only dating show that is leaving the larger singles (of all genders) in the cold. It’s just the biggest.
The problem is endemic across the board, with a few exceptions here and there. Such sizeism isn’t just restricted to dating shows either.
The rule on TV is simple: If you’re large, you’ve got to be funny - your personality has to be as big as your waistline or else there’s very little room for you on screen.
Dawn French knows it. Rebel Wilson knows it. Melissa McCarthy leant so far into it, she became the biggest female comedy star of the 2010s (and only then was she allowed to show off her Oscar-nominated drama skills as well).
In short, size is another area of diversity - like race, gender and disabilities - that sorely needs more representation on our screens.
People at home need to see people like them represented on TV - not as the token 'fat one', but as just another person, where weight is not the issue, or the driving force behind a character.
Then maybe it’ll filter through into people’s attitudes in day-to-day life.
For being plus size seems to be one of the last 'taboos' that’s still fair pickings for the general public: people seem to think it’s fine to comment, criticise, judge and skinny-splain about the benefits of vegetables without the single hint of solicitation.
They’ll scoff at the suggestion of a medical cause. They’ll sneer at the mention of metabolic rates. And - like Jamelia on Loose Women - they’ll claim all plus-sizers should feel ashamed, as if each and every one is exactly the same.
The truth is simple: Some people do eat too much. Some don’t exercise enough. And some are just not lucky enough to get the really, really hungry, workaholic kind of gut bacteria.
Mine is clearly the job-shy sloth-like slacker kind. And I for one, am sick of laughing off jokes and smiling politely at unrequested “advice” - just because I’m no longer size 10.
For it’s a sad truth that being larger often means also having to be the bigger person.
So wouldn’t it be lovely if we could start to change this prejudice? And where better to start than with one of the biggest television shows on our screens?
Don’t get me wrong, you’re by no means alone Love Island, but how about you do us all a favour and give us some Islanders with plus-size tums as well as plus-size egos?
