“How are you?” “Oh, you know, busy!” We wear our busyness like a badge of honor. We compete over who is more tired, who has the fuller schedule, and who sleeps the least. In our culture, productivity is equated with worthiness. But for many of us, constant movement isn’t about ambition or success; it is about avoidance.
Therapists and trauma experts are increasingly identifying chronic busyness as a flight response. If you stop moving, you might have to feel something. If you sit in silence, the memories, the grief, or the anxiety might catch up to you. So, you run. Understanding why busy is a trauma response is the first step to getting off the hamster wheel and finding actual peace.
Running From the Quiet
Trauma—whether it is a major event or a series of small, unmet needs in childhood—leaves a residue in the nervous system. Silence can feel dangerous because it allows intrusive thoughts to surface. To counter this, we fill every second with noise and tasks.
You might listen to podcasts while showering, check emails in bed, and over-schedule your weekends to the minute. This creates a wall of noise that keeps your inner voice drowned out. You are not running toward a goal; you are running away from yourself. The busyness acts as a numbing agent, similar to alcohol or food. It is a distraction technique designed to keep you from facing the painful reality of your emotions.
High-Functioning Anxiety
Many high-achievers are actually fueled by high-functioning anxiety. You worry that if you stop achieving, you will be exposed as a failure or a fraud. This drive looks like success to the outside world—you get the promotions, you run the PTA—but it feels like panic on the inside.
You believe that your safety lies in your utility. If you are useful, you are safe. If you are productive, you are loved. This belief system often stems from childhoods where love was conditional on performance. You learned early on that you had to sing for your supper, and you haven’t stopped singing since. It becomes a treadmill where you must constantly prove your right to exist through your output.
The Addiction to Cortisol
When you are chronically stressed, your body runs on cortisol and adrenaline. Surprisingly, you can become chemically addicted to this stress hormone cocktail. When you try to relax, your body goes into specific withdrawal.
You might feel restless, irritable, or bored when you try to take a vacation. Your nervous system interprets calm as boring or even unsafe. You unconsciously create chaos or drama just to get your fix of stress hormones because that high-alert state feels normal to you. Peace feels foreign, and therefore, threatening. It takes time to break this addiction and teach your body that it can function without the adrenaline rush.
Somatic Safety: Teaching Your Body to Rest
You cannot think your way out of this because it is a physiological response. You have to teach your body that stillness is safe. This starts with small doses of doing nothing. Literally nothing.
Set a timer for five minutes. Sit in a chair without your phone, without a book, and just breathe. Your brain will scream at you to get up and do the dishes. Acknowledge the urge, but stay seated. You are retraining your nervous system to tolerate peace. It is like physical therapy for your soul. Over time, these small moments of stillness will help lower your baseline stress levels.
Redefining Worth
The hardest work is untangling your worth from your output. You are worthy simply because you exist, not because of how many items you checked off a list today. This is a radical concept for trauma survivors who have spent a lifetime earning their space in the world.
Start asking yourself who you are when you are not doing anything. If the answer scares you, that is exactly where the healing needs to happen. You are a human being, not a human doing. Your value is inherent, not earned. You do not need to produce to be valuable.
Transitioning to “Human Being”
Shifting from a trauma-driven hustle to a mindful existence takes time. It requires you to disappoint people who benefit from your overworking. It requires you to face the feelings you have been running from.
But the reward is a life that you actually experience, rather than one you just rush through. Slowing down is not lazy; it is the ultimate act of healing. It allows you to connect with yourself and others on a deeper level. You begin to operate from a place of choice rather than compulsion.
Stop the Run
If you are tired of running a race you never signed up for, it is time to step off the track. Peace is waiting for you in the pauses.
Do you feel guilty when you sit down to rest? Let us know how you handle the urge to be busy in the comments.
What to Read Next…
- 9 Childhood Trauma Responses You Are Still Using as an Adult
- 12 Signs You’re Low-Key Trauma Bonding (Not Loving)
- 10 Common Behaviors That Are Actually Unrecognized Trauma Responses
- 8 “Normal” Behaviors That Are Actually Trauma Responses
- Why Decluttering Can Actually Cause Family Trauma
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