When I was in my early 20s, I owned a duffel bag full of sand. Correction: I owned a duffel bag full of sandwich bags full of sand, each duct-taped closed so that I could easily add them to or remove them from the larger bag when I was taking it outside to do squats and hill sprints. In my mind, this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do, a view I questioned only when one of my friends, helping me to move house, said: “Ooh, this is heavy, what’s in this one?” Reader, they were furious.
I mention this not to show off, but to establish my credentials before the next bit. I did a lot of stupid things in my 20s, purely because they were easier than learning to talk to people. A lot of young men do. These days, loads of young men are getting into cold showers and talking about the gym a lot; before that, it was Stoicism and living like a Navy Seal. None of these things are bad for you – some can actually be great – but however hard they seem to be, they are not as hard as doing the things that most young men are scared of, such as expressing your hopes and fears honestly, or ringing someone for a chat.
Is this why some young men are into Andrew Tate and his imitators? It feels simplistic, but I think it is a factor. Tate and his ilk present a world where all self-improvement can be done solo: shut yourself away, they say, and the women will eventually be banging at your door; go “monk mode” and you will emerge from your chrysalis a muscular millionaire, with no need to develop the social skills you are lacking.
Life doesn’t work like that. As a species, we are wired for community; we have evolved over thousands of years to seek strength and safety in numbers. Nothing about that has changed in the past couple of decades. I was lucky enough to bumble my way into a group of good friends before I could go full grindset. I hope this generation can do the same.
Joel Snape is a writer and fitness expert
Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.
