Whatever happened to apple bobbing?
When I was a kid, that was not just the main event of Halloween, but basically all of it.
Trick or treating was unusual, as it went against everything your parents had drummed into you about accepting sweets from strangers, and even if you could manage to talk them into letting you try it, you were mostly met with confusion.
Halloween was only for Americans back then, you see. Now, it’s very much overplayed, oversexed (see: all the adults in racy cat/witch/ghost outfits) and over here.
For UK kids, October 31 is now a hotly anticipated fandango of parties, costumes and home decorations to match Christmas, if not beyond.
‘What are you doing for Halloween?’ is a genuine question people ask well in advance. And which friends children pick to go trick or treating with is the stuff of intense playground politics.
Afterwards, the kids bounce home with more sweets than I was allowed in my entire childhood put together, hopped up on adrenalin and sugar, just in time for parents – exhausted by hours of standing behind them shouting “Say thank you!” – to attempt to get them to bed. It’s not called the devil’s holiday for nothing.
America has given many things we should forever be grateful for. Friends. Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Beyonce.
But it’s also passed on some right old bobbins that we’re now stuck with.
Baby showers, for example, where you make a fuss of someone and buy them a gift just before their baby is born, as well as after.
Also, gender reveals, where people announce to the world something probably only they and, at best, their family care about – the sex of their baby. This happens at a party most guests only attend out of grim obligation, either by cutting a cake, which will be either pink or blue inside, or letting off a cannon of confetti, which will either be pink or blue, or lighting a firework, the smoke of which will be either… you can guess the rest by now hopefully.
A Brazilian couple contaminated their drought-stricken town’s water supply by dyeing a waterfall blue, which shows the lengths people are driven to.
Proms are another custom we’ve adopted – now when your kids finish school they expect a limo, razzy outfit and afterparty. We’ve also taken on Black Friday, making both a mockery of our good-old January sales, and even more money for struggling small business Amazon.
It’s tempting to say enough already, but there can’t be much more for us to get involved with that we aren’t already fully committed to.
Thanksgiving, I suppose… but for a country in the state ours is at the moment, where the national pastime is moaning even on a good day, surely there’s not much danger of that. And ironically, for that small mercy, I am truly thankful.
