There are certain things you hear on the golf course that irritate you disproportionately, whether it's a cliche, a comment at the wrong time or something that breaches golf's rules. Here's what not to say to your playing partners on the fairways...
Anything by way of instruction
Rule 10.2 makes clear that asking for, or giving, advice during a round is a two-shot penalty in strokeplay or the loss of the hole in match play.
“What club did you take?”
Asking someone this is defined as seeking advice so should incur a penalty under Rule 10.2, although in most competitions players will ignore this. If you really want to know what club someone used, either look at it in their hand, or you can look at their bag and see which club is missing. However be careful doing the latter, for if you touch their clubs in so doing, this is also a penalty, as the rules makes clear:
“During a round, a player must not: touch another player’s equipment to learn information that would be advice if given by or asked of the other player (such as touching the other player’s clubs or bag to see what club is being used.)”
Praising shots that the player who made them would consider mediocre or standard
What is a good shot for a 24-handicapper would not necessarily be so for a single-figure golfer. So make sure if you praise a playing partner’s shot, it is one they would be pleased with themselves. Otherwise it may come across as patronising. Or just plain odd.
Long rants about your own poor play
Players want to enjoy their own round, not hear all about how you are not enjoying yours. You might be ruining your day, but don’t risk ruining someone else’s. Suffer in silence.
"I wasn't looking, apologies"
Put your phone away and watch your playing partners' shots – it really is that simple. There's no excuse for not having at least a rough idea of where your companions' shots have gone, unless you're staring directly into the sun.
Trite, well-known phrases at every opportunity
We’ve all heard well-known phrases such as ‘never up, never in’ for a putt that ends up short. Or ‘dead sheep’ (as in still ewe), when it is still you who is furthest away on the green after making a putt. This may be, respectively, deeply insightful and a hilarious word play when first said, but on their third of fourth airing during a round they risk becoming a tad tedious.
"One"
Tied to the above, nudging your ball off the tee and then hearing someone say 'one' is right up there in terms of irksome comments you can hear on the golf course. We've all said it (some of us more than others), but the next time the post-nudge pause happens, don't feel the need to fill the silence.
Premature praise
It's always better to wait until a ball has finished before remarking on the shot you've just witnessed or offering praise. When you know you've imparted plenty of sidespin on the ball but one of your playing partners comes out with 'great strike', it boils the blood somewhat. A great strike doesn't mean it's a great shot - you can hit a ball 300 yards into the bund!
Scorecard observations
'You need a par here to break 80, Kev – no pressure!' What are you doing saying something like that? Kev is all too aware of what he needs to do to shoot his best ever score. You know that as well. So keep your mouth shut.
Coaching
You might be a better golfer than those you're playing with, but resist the temptation to dish out advice during a round. It puts those on the receiving end in an awkward situation – they don't want to disregard what you're saying as it could appear rude, but they also don't want to try anything new during the course of the round. A casual chat in the clubhouse bar post-round is the way to go.
