What legacy do we leave behind when we die? As Sam Neill taught me, it’s more about sweetness than ego

‘It was in the outpouring of words for Sir Sam Neill after his death that we got a better glimpse of the person behind the actor, and a wonderful mosaic of a life properly lived,’ writes Clarke Gayford. Photograph: Fiona Goodall/The Guardian

Occasionally, in our lives, there are markers that arrive with enough strength to hop us off the treadmill just long enough to remind ourselves that everyone’s race has a finish line, and none of us are getting out of this jolly for free.

One of these blots is often when someone we know passes away.