When it comes to facials, a safe principle is that if it’s good enough for Jennifer Aniston, it’s good enough for the rest of us. And it turns out JA is up for pretty well anything. When an aesthetician recommended she try an injection based on salmon sperm, popular in Korea, the fearless woman was up for it. “First of all”, she told the Wall Street Journal, “I said, ‘Are you serious? How do you get salmon’s sperm?’”. My thoughts entirely. However, according to JA, after she had the facial, she didn’t notice much difference.
Well, I tried it too. But to address the important question first, no salmon was interfered with to get the stuff. It’s dead already, so the sperm is a mere byproduct of salmon steaks. I did ask whether the salmon was wild or farmed, but no one seems to know. I have in the past put snail slime on my face, but this sounds gross. The thing about salmon, though, is that its DNA and ours are similar. And by the time the sperm has been reduced to polymerised polynucleotides and treated to remove allergens, it’s not a bit fishy. It appears to help with wound healing, stimulate collagen and elastin production (which makes skin firm) and attract water molecules (which plumps up the skin).
I went to the Ouronyx salon (pronounced Oo-ronnix) in St James’s Street for my sessions. It’s a salon for rich and celebrity clients, so it’s enormously spacious, with tasteful gold décor, artwork featuring butterflies and huge books on Chanel. It turns out that the clients – who probably include the wealth management people who work in St James’s as well as celebs – are terrifically shy. The salon operates a one-way system, so your chances of an acquaintance hailing you with a cheery “Fancy seeing you here!” are nil. For the paranoid celeb, there’s a separate entrance for extra discretion.
Your journey – “it’s not just a treatment plan, but a journey” – starts with a chat with Jack, a charming man who used to work for The Savoy. “There’s a bit of storytelling, a bit of psychology”, he says, as he presents you with lots of options on an iPad to tick to describe your personality archetype and your treatment priorities – are you concerned with other people’s reaction? Looking younger? “Clients really enjoy it; they relax when they’re here”, says Jack. “You are managing your journey.” The whole thing doesn’t take too long, though, on account of the clients being so busy. “The time-poor have to be super-efficient,” says Jack.
Tick, tick. When the results are in, it turns out that “I am thoughtful, connected, and harmony-loving”.Really? But it also seems I’m risk averse when it comes to my beauty routine, an overly cautious approach.
A photographer takes your pictures, from several angles. Then you meet Dr Marco, a nice, cheerful Italian doctor who does the actual injections. Let’s cut to the chase here. It hurts. You have an injection under each eye, five injections on each side of the face and five injections on the hands (it works on hands too). And although the needle is ever so narrow, and Dr Marco as expert as they come, there is nothing agreeable about having it inserted in the region of your under-eye socket. Have you ever lost a needle in someone’s flesh? I ask. “No”, he says. Is this anyone’s idea of fun? “I don’t think so”, he replies cheerfully.
My advice to anyone having injectibles is to hold one of those squeezy stress balls. I didn’t cry a bit; I was a little soldier. Apparently, men are worse than women when it comes to pain. “Much worse”, says the nurse.
Dr Marco does dozens of these treatments a week. “The product biostimulates the skin to produce collagen and elastin and promotes elasticity and firmness. The skin looks more hydrated. There’s a tightening effect,” he says. There are three strengths, the weakest used initially under the eyes. You bleed a little and there are initially little lumps, which Dr Marco massages; all normal. This isn’t the treatment to have before going out to lunch.
After the first session, I had a little bruise on one cheek; after the second, when I had a stronger under-eye dose, I puffed up, though not dramatically.
It’s a popular treatment, says Dr Marco. The effects start almost immediately and carry on for six to eight months. It’s also used as part of the clinic’s hair-loss treatment using stem cells.
Did it work? After three treatments, pictures showed firmer-looking skin and a more even tone. My colleagues declared I looked fresher. My hands improved noticeably – plumper and less spotty.
So, salmon sperm does the business but the effect is subtle, not dramatic. Jennifer, next time, would you mind having manual lymphatic drainage?
