Everywhere you look, there’s a sea of wagging tails. The sound of excited woofing fills the air, and there’s a distinct odour of expensive shampoo mixed with the unmistakable whiff of wet dog. Dogs of every shape, size and colour weave across my path, and I nearly break my neck on a particularly chonky chocolate Labrador.
“Sorry!” shouts its owner over his shoulder. Welcome to Crufts, where more than 19,000 pooches are battling it out to be crowned Best in Show on Sunday night.
For the dog-mad, it’s pure heaven. As well as getting to greet literally thousands of pampered pups as you wander around the vast expanse of the Birmingham NEC, there are stalls galore selling every dog-related product you can imagine - and scores more that would have never crossed your mind.
Woollen socks emblazoned with corgis, toys promising enrichment and life-sized porcelain figures of coquettish Pomeranians are on offer, along with enough tasty treats to sink Battersea Dogs Home.
Deer antlers, puffed pig snouts and hefty ostrich bones are piled high, with watchful owners keeping their salivating hounds close at heel. A man and a woman from the Cats Protection charity gamely ask passers-by if they like cats… to be met with sheepish grins.
Dizzy with choice, I end up carting round a kilogram of rolled camel skin for my two-year-old dog, Muffin, who’s never met an animal he didn’t find delicious. A furry lure on a bungee rope and an extra-tough frisbee quickly find themselves secreted inside my free tote bag, and my bank app sends a flurry of increasingly desperate notifications to my phone. Oops.
“It’s been manic,” says the woman who sells me the lure toy as more customers congregate around her display. “Every year Crufts just gets bigger and bigger.”
Run by the Kennel Club, which celebrates its 150th anniversary this year, Crufts is the biggest dog show in the world, and competitors from all over the globe flood to Birmingham in the hopes of securing a title. The material prizes may be modest - the Best in Show winner gets £200 in cash and a silver trophy - but the kudos of winning Crufts puts a premium on the top dog’s bloodline, meaning their future generations will forever be associated with a champion.
Every competing pooch will have already been placed in the top three of their breed class at a Kennel Club-recognised Championship dog show in the last 12 months, or will have won Best in Show, Reserve Best in Show or Best Puppy in Show at an affiliated general or open show. For this reason Crufts has often attracted criticism for elitism, for focusing on pedigree over the health of the dogs, which can lead to the narrowing of the purebred gene pool as breeders seek to comply with exacting standards.
To counter it, the organisers brought in Breed Watch a few years back to highlight certain health issues, and added a number of breeds - including pugs, mastiffs and German shepherd dogs - to its category 3 list, which gives extra educational resources to the breeders of those types.
Numerous scandals have played out over the show’s 79 years, including alleged poisoning of dogs in 2015 leading to the death of Jagger the Irish setter - although no culprit was ever found, and the Kennel Club insisted it had never received a complaint from any owners. In 2014, five chihuahuas - including Made of Candy, who won Best Puppy in Breed at that year’s show - were stolen from a house in East Yorkshire in a targeted raid, though they were all recovered after the owner’s pleas for their return went viral.
Crufts might well be all about the judging for the humans, but the dogs certainly don’t seem to care. While I watch the flat-coated retriever bitches being examined, one young pup decides she’s had enough of standing still.
With a furtive look at the squeaky toy abandoned on the seat next to mine, she sidles past her handler and in one fluid move leaps out of the ring to seize her prize.
Squeaking it happily, she leans against my legs while accepting fusses and strokes from everyone around her. “Pamela,” scolds her handler gently, “you are supposed to be competing. Pammy. Pam-Pam.”
Pamela, who couldn’t care less about the rosettes about to be handed out, wags her tail contentedly as the audience beams at her.
Next up are the Golden Retrievers, whose judge has 593 entrants to assess. Half of them sprawl on their backs for tummy tickles, while the rest placidly submit to last-minute grooms by their nervous handlers. One youngster, aged just 10, is trying her hand at showing for the first time. “Good girl,” her proud dad tells her as she exits the ring for a cuddle, “and good girl too,” he tells her dog, who gives him a lick in thanks.
There’s tension around the ring as the Best in Breed is selected, and cheers go up as the winner does a leisurely victory lap, tail gliding proudly through the air.
At 5pm, it’s time to head back to the shuttle bus and wade through the slushy snowfall. Tired dogs amble through the car park, already thinking ahead to their dinner and a well-earned snooze in the warmth. Later that evening I’m greeted by my very own best in show, who immediately pokes his snoot into my bags, discovers the camel skins and merrily trots off for a good, long munch.
*Crufts highlights air at 8pm tonight on Channel 4. The finale will air on Sunday March 12 from 7pm on the same channel
