As the summer holidays stretch out ahead getting care for children can be a headache. For the usual school days come to an end, instead leaving many working parents having to deal with childcare.
And whether it is the often sky-high cost of placing them in a summer scheme or the constant pleas from youngsters to be left home alone, many families are facing the dilemma of what to do. But with the law full of grey areas on the matter it can be a tough decision.
While the law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk., according to the government. Instead it says you should "use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car".
But how do you know when your child is mature enough to take that big step. Parenting expert Megan Wright, from Action for Children's Parent Talk has now drawn up six questions to ask to help you decide - as well as tips on how to prepare your child for both staying home and going out alone.
She said: "Most children reach a stage where they will start asking to do things without adult supervision, like walking to and from school alone or with friends, going to the local park or the shops. This is an important part of their development, taking small, manageable steps will help them to become self-sufficient adults.
"There is no set age or law for when this can happen – but children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time. Each child is unique, and every situation is different, so it's better to look at the situation, weigh everything up and decide what you feel is safe for your child.
"Staying home or going out alone is a big step for any child and their parent, so it’s good to make sure you are both prepared and feel safe when the time comes."
The six key questions to consider.
1) Your child’s age - you need to consider how mature they are. According to the NSPCC children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time, children under 16 should not be left alone overnight and babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
2) Their development stage and capability
3) Their ability to keep themself safe, sense danger and know what to do in an emergency.
4) Your child’s confidence, do they feel safe about being left alone or would they feel worried?
5) The time of day and how long they would be alone.
6) If they would be caring for other siblings or babysitting and if so, what the caring responsibility involves.
If you are not sure whether your child is old enough you could take this NSPCC quiz to help you decide. But if you think they have reached that milestone then here is what you can do to prepare them.
Staying home alone
Staying home alone is a big step for a child and their parent, so it’s good to make sure you are both prepared and feel safe to take that step.
- Build up to staying home alone to build their confidence as well as your own. You may start with just 5 or 10 mins before gradually building up to more time as they get older and develop more independence skills.
- Set clear expectations so they know what they can expect from you and what you expect from them. Let your child know when you’ll back or set an alarm and make sure you stick to this. It’s also good to give them a plan of what to do if you aren’t home at the agreed time.
- Agree rules around what activities are safe to do while home alone. This might include no cooking, no baths or showers or not opening the door to minimise the risk of harm. You might also agree to check in at certain times.
- Create a safety plan – have emergency numbers written down, talk about other safe adults they can call, make sure they have escape routes from the house (so don’t lock them in).
- Teach them what to do in different situations – Would they know what to do if there was an emergency? Do they know how to contact emergency services?
Going out alone
Before allowing your child to go out without an adult, start teaching and modeling independence skills so they can gradually become more confident. That way, you will know they have the skills to deal with tricky situations. As they develop their independence, they will want to push boundaries so it’s important to support this development whilst setting some ground rules.
- If they want to do something you don’t feel they are ready for, don’t shut the idea down. Instead explain what skills you would want them to have first and then make a plan together to help them learn those skills.
- Use the word ‘yet’ while they are learning, to communicate to your child that you know they will be ready in the future but maybe not quite yet.
- Build up to bigger challenges by breaking it into steps – if they want to walk home alone could they walk the first section and then have you pick them up? Work on it together but let them take the lead.
- Ensure they have the right safety skills such as road safety and that they stick to familiar routes or agreed areas.
- Set clear expectations of when they need to be home and where they will be when they are out.
- Create a safety plan – have emergency numbers and your contact details written down, make sure they have enough money on them to get home if needed.
- Explain about safe places to ask for help such as at a pharmacy, security guards, banks, libraries. If they are lost encourage them to go somewhere public with cameras.
- Help them problem solve common mistakes like getting on the wrong train or getting off at the wrong stop. It’s natural to get things wrong so it’s important to help them develop the resilience to deal with it when that happens.
- Talk about the impact of peer pressure when they are out. Agree that no matter what, if they feel unsafe, you will come and get them and that they won’t be punished. This is particularly important when young people start driving and may be around alcohol.
