AND NOW YOU’RE GUNNER BELIEVE US?
It’s been quite the start to the season for Arsenal. After winning the Transfer Window in July, the Gunners have raced out of the traps with three wins on the spin to top the Premier League and remain the only club with a 100% record. As you can imagine, their fans have been very quiet about it, not getting carried away at all and keeping their opinions to themselves on Social Media Disgrace Twitter. Mikel Arteta has also managed to emerge from an All or Nothing documentary with his reputation somehow enhanced, despite trying to steal the David Brent Crown from atop Brendan Rodgers’ head with some cringe-worthy character-building guff in an early episode.
What a difference a year makes, then. After opening last season in clown-car fashion with three defeats in a row, they were propping up the table and some fans were calling for Arteta’s head. Isn’t that right, Piers? Do you remember what happened next? We couldn’t, which is why we looked it up on The Google and discovered that they won three league games in a row, against Norwich (of course!), Burnley and Tottenham, to make it nine points from 18. So we fully expect the Gunners to lose their next three matches, starting with the visit of unbeaten west London funsters Fulham on Saturday.
OK, OK, we jest (unless they do lose three on the bounce, in which case we’re claiming it). Arsenal have genuinely looked good, with Gabriel Jesus sharper than a sushi chef’s knife in attack, captain Martin Odegaard hitting all the right notes on lead vocals and Granit Xhaka making our head hurt by popping passes around like Xavi in an advanced midfield role. Go back over a decade and such a start to the season would have marked a team out as potential title contenders, but the ridiculous standards set by Manchester City and Liverpool in recent times has changed everything. Come back when you’ve won seven, eight, nine in a row, Mikel! Many a breakaway cyclist has gone off quickly with glory in their eyes only to be reeled in when things get serious. The Pep Machine has form for this.
Arteta knows this only too well, having cut his managerial teeth under Guardiola at City. “The record in terms of performances that the league has produced last year it’s the highest ever,” exclaimed Arteta, puffing out his cheeks. “When you look at the points you need to achieve certain things, it’s never happened before.” They’ll hope to make it four in a row if William Saliba can tame the goal-guzzling Aleksandar Mitrovic. “He scored 43 goals last season,” yelped Arteta. “He’s one of the main threats.” If they make it 12 points from 12 it might not guarantee a title challenge, but will certainly lead to giddy Gunners causing a full-blown meltdown on the socials and who knows where momentum might take them then.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I have been washing my clothes with dishwasher soap since I’ve been here. I have lived in England for eight months. I’m an idiot!” – West Brom’s Daryl Dike comes clean about why the whiff of Finish Powerball has been strong around the Hawthorns.
FIVER LETTERS
“After lots of teams decided to do the same kick-off routine after seeing it online, has Red Star Belgrade/Crvena Zvezda’s Milan Pavkov (yesterday’s Fiver) started a new trend too? Linfield’s Jimmy Callacher certainly appears to think so” – Jim Hearson.
“Travelling to games that are postponed (Fiver letters passim). Having decided to drive to Newcastle (NSW) to watch Brisbane Strikers in the old NSL, I set off around 8am for the 770km drive. As I approached Newcastle, the heavens opened and the rain came down as if there was no tomorrow. I arrived at the ground with hope in my heart, only to be advised the game had been cancelled at 7am – before I had even set off south. Even the Brisbane Strikers team had not travelled, as they had checked with the hosts before getting out of bed. It had been raining for the best part of 24 hours non-stop. I had no choice but turn around and drive back to Brisbane. Enthusiasm with a capital ‘E’ brought to a stop by Rain with a capital ‘R’” – Ewen Anderson.
“I’m a Tranmere fan and way back on 30 January 1993 I drove from home in mid-Cheshire to Prenton Park, only to find the game against Sunderland had been postponed (waterlogged, I think). Later that afternoon the Pools Panel ‘awarded’ the game to Rovers. Three days later Sunderland’s manager, Malcolm Crosby, was out of a job: the first (and only) manager to be sacked after a Pools Panel decision?” – Jim Salter.
“The fantastic response to the subject of late postponements and abandonments suggests a nostalgia for the way the game used to be. There is probably a rich vein to to be mined here; floodlight climbers, cack-handed St John’s Ambulance stretcher-bearers and dogs on the pitch were all occasionally part of the game. Undoubtedly the game is a better consumer product now, but has it lost a bit of its soul?” – John Lawton.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Ewen Anderson.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Newport County manager James Rowberry has revealed how a routine heart checkup saved his life. “I found out leading up to pre-season that I had something called complete AV heart block,” said the 37-year-old. “In the buildup to the Sutton [season opener] I had a pacemaker fitted to keep me alive, basically.”
It’s been quiet at Sunderland. Too quiet. But what’s this? Manager Alex Neil is in talks to take over at Stoke City instead.
The draw for Big Cup’s group stages is in and features one unpleasant-looking trip to Glasgow for Liverpool.
The draw for Big Vase’s group stages is in and features one pleasant-looking trip to Spain for Manchester United.
Meanwhile, Craig Gordon is sore and angry after being struck by a coin in Hearts’ Big Vase exit against FC Zurich at Tynecastle. “I got hit by something on the back of the head,” he growled after his side lost 3-1 on aggregate. “It’s not ideal to be facing that when you’re on the pitch – it can be dangerous. There’s no excuse.”
Wesley Fofana won’t be playing for Leicester until his head stops being turned by the cooing (and £70m bids) coming from Chelsea who, as fate would have it, the Foxes play this weekend.
And Bournemouth boss Scott Parker is worried Liverpool may sink their teeth into his polite little Cherries on Saturday. “We’re playing a world-class team, a well-coached team, an exceptional manager and against a team who are probably looking for a reaction,” he yelped.
STILL WANT MORE?
Ten things to look out for in the Shrewsbury Folk Festival Premier League this weekend.
Jonathan Wilson analyses the groups from Big Cup’s tombola so you don’t have to.
And if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
