Many people want their wedding day to be special and memorable. Most often, that requires some serious financial commitment. According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding in the U.S. in 2023 was $35,000. So, if you want your big day to be nice, you better prepare to drop some serious cash.
Interestingly, some couples choose the crowdfunding route. One person took to social media to share such a wedding plan made by their acquaintances. The couple, who apparently “don’t believe in the institution of marriage but like weddings,” made a registry and asked for more than just contributions towards the venue, catering, honeymoon accommodations, and the photographer. Curious whether this is the norm, the OP asked other Redditors their opinion.
Weddings can be expensive, and that’s why, in some cases, family members pitch in
Image credits: Álvaro CvG / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But this couple expected their friends to pay for more than just the wedding; their registry included a house, a car, parental leave, and more
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Scary-Passenger6832
Here is a snippet of the bride’s original post
Image credits: Natasha Fernandez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Scary-Passenger6832
Some etiquette experts say it’s okay to ask others for donations for a wedding
The biggest problem in the situation the OP describes here may not be that the couple is asking friends to fund their wedding. Perhaps it’s more their general lifestyle and values that get the bigger portion of shaming from the commenters and the OP. As the author describes it, they’re just not sure they want to “give money to someone who could work like the rest of us but chooses not to.”
Even so, let’s tackle the question of whether it’s okay to ask family and friends to pay for wedding expenses. The big debate here is whether it’s tacky to crowdfund a wedding or not. Some people might say that, in this economic climate, that’s perfectly reasonable. And some etiquette experts agree, saying that couples of the current generation are in a different financial situation.
So, the guests should be understanding and more empathetic towards their situation. “Etiquette evolves to meet the needs and the sensibilities of the current generation,” Manners Mentor Maralee McKee says. “And this is a way that it’s evolving.”
She advises couples to be subtle about it and not include asking for donations in the invitations. “Just keep it on that wedding page, and then if somebody asks you in particular, then, of course, you can tell them.”
Also, like a lot of things in life, such situations require you to keep in mind that other people are on a budget, too. Don’t invite over 100 if you can’t afford it just because that’ll bring in more donations. Those who ask for donations for their wedding will most likely not get a gift – most guests will consider their contribution as enough.
Others disagree and claim that it’s tasteless and sometimes even rude
Image credits: Jakob Owens / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Bridal fashion expert Rachel Torgerson disagrees. She writes for The Knot that it’s absurd to liken throwing a wedding to raising funds for a child with a life-threatening disease or state-of-the-art scientific research. Because some couples choose to use sites like GoFundMe, it can come across as worse than tacky.
It’s also very likely that at least some friends or family members get offended on some level. “Going to a wedding is an expensive undertaking as it is (from the flight to the hotel accommodations and gifts). Suggesting a guest contribute money to the party they’ve been invited to is simply asking too much,” Torgerson goes on.
It might seem that the reasons above are not enough. Family and friends usually contribute to the wedding anyway. Many guests opt for money as a wedding gift, so what’s the difference in what the couple uses it for?
Another etiquette expert, William Hanson, says that asking for money might come across as too cold and transactional. “These days, [couples] think they’re entitled to the fuss because they see it on Instagram, but they need to get over themselves,” he told The Telegraph. “If you can’t afford to get married, don’t get married. You can have a simple ceremony with one or two guests in a registry office, and it would be no less valid than a royal wedding.”
The right way to make a wedding crowdfunding campaign
Image credits: micheile henderson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
If, however, a couple decides to go the crowdfunding route, it’s a good idea to follow some basic etiquette rules. Hitchd has some advice on how to explain crowdfunding a wedding to friends and family.
They recommend presenting the idea as an alternative option to gifts. It’s no secret that weddings are costly, and the guests will be aware of that. Kindly let them know that you want to throw a wedding everyone can enjoy, and, if they wish, they may contribute to that.
Don’t forget to be transparent. The guests will appreciate it if they can check where the money actually went. Couples can make that portion of the budget available to those who wish to contribute. If they can see how the couple spends the crowdfunded money, friends and family members might not be so wary of the idea.
Just like the etiquette expert Maralee McKee mentioned in the beginning, don’t explain the fundraising campaign in the invitations. Other taboos when planning to crowdfund your wedding should include setting unrealistic goals and begging or pestering your guests with donating to the campaign.
The OP added some details in the comments
The commenters did not hesitate to shame the couple
