Ahh, the Melbourne Cup. A time to reflect on the abuse of animals that keeps the gambling culture in the country alive. A day when we realise that horse girls are a very real thing, but even worse are their counterparts: horse boys.
My PEDESTRIAN.TV comrades and I will forever say nup to the cup for a multitude
1. Sonic the Flemingtonhog
Zoom zoom motherfucker [Image: Getty Images].
2. Angwy Jockey
The Lannisters send their regards [Image: Getty Images].
3. Two Men Dancing
Two men enter into gladiatorial combat with grass — the winner WILL shock you [Image: Getty Images].
4. Four Men Not Dancing
This image gaslit me and told me I was a 3/10 in Bondi, 5/10 in the inner west [Image:Jake Nowakowski].
5. Barefoot Contessa
just fineFeel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you [Image: Getty Images].
6. Oberyn vs The Mountain
Mrs Trunchbull and Amanda Thripp, reimagined, oil on canvas (circa 2022) [Image: Getty Images].
7. Jeremy Armitage
Nedd BrockmanGet OutHow does he have two hairstyles at once? [Image: Getty Images].
8. Umbrella vs The People
After everything Rihanna taught us in 2007, you do this??? [Image: Getty Images].
9. Bareback Under The Gloomy Sky
Are you not embarrassed??? Girl this is embarrassing [Image: Getty Images].
10. Roz from Monsters Inc.
In my mind, all of those bottles and cans are hers [Image: Getty Images].
11. The Real Nightmare Before Christmas
If my funeral looks anything like this, I’m haunting every one of you fuckers [Image: Getty Images].
12. Melbourne Cup Mudslide
Me trying to bottom after Guzman y Gomez nacho fries [Image: Getty Images].
13. That Girl
“Can you play ABBA?” [Image: Getty Images].
14. Triplets
My last three brain cells on a night out (Source: Jason Edwards) [Image: Getty Images].
15. He Dive
No caption, just watch in awe at the simplicity of man discovering that you cannot, in fact, dive head-first into grass. [Image: Getty Images].
