Ahh, the Melbourne Cup. A time to reflect on the abuse of animals that keeps the gambling culture in the country alive. A day when we realise that horse girls are a very real thing, but even worse are their counterparts: horse boys.
My PEDESTRIAN.TV comrades and I will forever say nup to the cup for a multitude
1. Sonic the Flemingtonhog
Zoom zoom motherfucker [Image: Getty Images].
2. Angwy Jockey
The Lannisters send their regards [Image: Getty Images].
3. Two Men Dancing
Two men enter into gladiatorial combat with grass — the winner WILL shock you [Image: Getty Images].
4. Four Men Not Dancing
This image gaslit me and told me I was a 3/10 in Bondi, 5/10 in the inner west [Image:Jake Nowakowski].
5. Barefoot Contessa
just fineFeel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you [Image: Getty Images].
6. Oberyn vs The Mountain
Mrs Trunchbull and Amanda Thripp, reimagined, oil on canvas (circa 2022) [Image: Getty Images].
7. Jeremy Armitage
Nedd BrockmanGet OutHow does he have two hairstyles at once? [Image: Getty Images].
8. Umbrella vs The People
After everything Rihanna taught us in 2007, you do this??? [Image: Getty Images].
9. Bareback Under The Gloomy Sky
Are you not embarrassed??? Girl this is embarrassing [Image: Getty Images].
10. Roz from Monsters Inc.
In my mind, all of those bottles and cans are hers [Image: Getty Images].
11. The Real Nightmare Before Christmas
If my funeral looks anything like this, I’m haunting every one of you fuckers [Image: Getty Images].
12. Melbourne Cup Mudslide
Me trying to bottom after Guzman y Gomez nacho fries [Image: Getty Images].
13. That Girl
“Can you play ABBA?” [Image: Getty Images].
14. Triplets
My last three brain cells on a night out (Source: Jason Edwards) [Image: Getty Images].
15. He Dive
No caption, just watch in awe at the simplicity of man discovering that you cannot, in fact, dive head-first into grass. [Image: Getty Images].
of reasons, but it sure is fun to point and laugh at the ridiculousness of the rich white people who attend.
So come and join us in doing said pointing and laughing as we rank some rancid pics of punters from bad to worse. Giddy up! (Unless you’re a jockey, yuck).
If you told me there’d be speed at the Melbourne Cup I would not be surprised, but this action shot takes things to a whole other level.
Look at the little guy, he’s so mad. Or is he happy? Confused? I can’t really tell.
This is the most ridiculous game of musical chairs I’ve seen in my life.
The only thing that will give you pleasure in this image is probably the umbrella.
If you don’t have shoes at home, store-bought is .
A battle to the death. Grandstand? More like grand slam, amirite fellas?
I swear at the Melbourne Cup looks like the brother from . That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Remind me why all of these people brave such shit weather? Do they not know that staying at home on the couch is an option?
The pot of gold (fake tan) at the end of the rainbow.
I understand you have to unwind after a long week of people not handing in their paperwork, but like this??
Proof that money cannot buy you taste.
Charming.
We’ve all seen this woman at the club. She’s annoying, she’s way too lit and her friends have already left her to her own devices. It’s like 8pm girl, how are you this drunk already? Get out of the gay club, please.
None of these Melbourne Cup women look different to each other. It’s the same woman with a huge collection of wigs.
The ridiculousness of the Melbourne Cup captured in a single image.
Honestly, what did he expect?
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