We need to stop talking about ‘resilience’. I’m not here to inspire you with all the trauma I’ve endured

‘Our culture has co-opted resilience to change its meaning. There is an emphasis here on the individual and not the collective.’ Photograph: Britt James

The other day I was stopped on the street by someone who told me that during a particularly bad depressive episode in which she was hospitalised, she just thought of me and realised her life wasn’t actually that bad. Um, thanks? I’m not sure if that comment was more or less offensive than the guy who told me he “wasn’t sure how I got out of bed each day”. Cheers bro.

The short version is that in my twenties my boyfriend died suddenly while we were sleeping, nine years later my brother died suddenly at work and in 2022 our lives imploded (again) when my son was diagnosed with cancer and severe Guillain Barre Syndrome which has left him paralysed.