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The Mary Sue
The Mary Sue
Kopal

We Finally Know What Donald Trump Been High On — It’s Aspirin

Donald Trump has settled the mystery of his bruised hands, vacant stares, and rotting brain. It’s not stress or age. It’s aspirin. That too, taken in defiance of medical advice with the confidence that biology is optional.

In a Wall Street Journal interview published Jan. 1, the 79-year-old president bragged that he takes 325 mg of aspirin every day. And why? Because he wants, as he puts it, “nice, thin blood pouring through my heart.” That’s four times the 81 mg dose doctors typically recommend.

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