It’s clear that gender differences entail way more than just the way people look or the different things that their bodies go through; they can also present themselves in even the most mundane of things, such as the size of one’s jean pockets, for instance. (Shoutout to wearers of women’s jeans that fit basically nothing in the pockets, while men’s ones could fit a medium-sized lawnmower; or at least they look like they could, when compared.)
But knowing that such differences exist doesn’t make it easier for some people to understand—or have empathy for—those of the opposite sex better. In order to be understood better, women of Reddit recently took to a thread started by a member of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community to discuss the things they wished men would get. Their answers covered everything from menstrual pain to the aforementioned pocket size of their jeans, so if you’re curious to see what else they emphasized, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a psychologist, author of Hidden In Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships, Dr. Avrum Weiss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on gender differences.
#1
We don't get colorful hair, long nails, lips filled, make up done and outfits on to appear attractive to men.
We do want to look nice for some men on occasion. But the majority of the time it's because *we* feel good like that.
You think i dyed my hair pastel purple to seem attractive to some dudes? I felt AWESOME with them.
AND a lot of other women compliment you. Which is a nice addition.
So the "actually, men don't like black lipstick" is meaningless. *I* like black lipstick. It is not for you. It is for me.
Image credits: RandomPolishGurl
#2
Feminism isn’t hating men.
Image credits: Inner_Word_363
#3
Here's a dumb one: the amount of toilet paper we need to use. I've seen a lot of men complain about how much TP the women in their house go through, and they say things like "I hardly use any! Why can't they learn to live off a few squares like I do!"
Men don't understand that women have a lot more to clean up. Men usually only use it after going #2 or to clean up a little drip. Women can't just shake it and be done. We also have discharge to clean up, which is constant (not just when we're aroused as some men believe) and it's only worse when we're ovulating. Then on top of that we have periods to deal with. We need more toilet paper than you do! Get off our back!
Image credits: RovenshereExpress
In the thread, women got quite open and honest about the different aspects of their lives, which might have seemed like common knowledge to other females in the community. But to some of their male counterparts, the information might have been something they didn’t know—or didn’t take seriously—before, as men tend to deal with a different set of joys and troubles themselves.
#4
That truly sharing household and domestic tasks means doing it unprompted. I don't want to have to ask you to tidy up or answer questions if it's your turn to cook or constantly manage social calendars and remind you or things. My brain needs a break too and taking initiative means a lot.
Image credits: brainsteam
#5
The energy it takes to actually get in the mood enough for it to not hurt to have our *body penetrated*. That's why so many women don't want to do it multiple times a day and aren't ready at the slightest suggestion.
It's so easy to just get an erection and jam it into something, I wish more men understood that being penetrated is not the same.
Like, the vagina is a collapsed tube. That's why tampons the size of a finger stay in place. You can't just jam s**t in there. Even with tampons you have to go easy.
Image credits: 624Seeds
In an interview with Bored Panda, psychologist Dr. Avrum Weiss pointed out that men and women are not that different inherently, but they are socialized very differently. “There is research showing that children as young as four months old are socialized differently by their parents, based on their gender,” he said.
“Children tend to play in same-sex groups until around grade school. At that point, the girls tend to play with each other as do the boys. The girls play games that help them learn about relationships (playing house, school, or doctor, for example), whereas the boys play games that focus on competition and aggression. When boys and girls get romantically interested in each other they have each been living in very different worlds with very different skill sets.”
#6
If we have s*x with you, we may get pregnant, even with contraception.
You may then disappear, even after acting like a respectable person, and fight any ties to your child forever.
We may be required by law to bear your child, and become a mother alone, struggling to support ourselves and a newborn.
If we don’t die during pregnancy or childbirth, which is more common in some parts of the US than in any other development nation.
So don’t ask why women won’t just sleep with you, why we won’t “give you a chance” and just have sex once, or why we’re not going to Netflix-and-chill for the first date. Women enjoy s*x too, but we are facing the rest of our lives potentially raising your child alone, if we don’t die first.
#7
That my hobbies and interests being associated with femininity doesn’t make them “stupid” or “boring” or any less gratifying.
fatchancefatpants:
Why am I called a basic b**ch for liking pumpkin spice and crafting, yet dudes who like football and beer are mAnLy and cool? They're also basic bitches. These things are popular cuz they're enjoyable, let people enjoy things.
Image credits: DateLate6732
#8
That when we talk about feeling unsafe at night walking home alone and stuff like that... We know, 999 of 1000 men we come across are just normal men heading somewhere, who don't mind us in any way. Problem is, we don't know who the 1 is that maybe has evil intentions.
Image credits: MauOnTheRoad
“The landmark research of Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. showed us that women are more socialized to focus on other people and relationships than men are,” Dr. Weiss continued to point out, adding that men learning how to listen, as opposed to ‘fixing’ things, is often an important part of what they can do to improve their relationships.
#9
We aren't mad at you because we are on our period, we are mad at you because we have less tolerance for stupid things on our period.
#10
We have no control over our periods. Not when they come, not when they go, nothing. And the things we can get or take to minimize them often have harsh side effects that not all of us can or want to deal with. This is something you must understand.
Image credits: RWBYRain
#11
That No just means “no” and we aren’t saying "no" to play hard to get.
Image credits: FoxSure8573
But it’s not only men that could benefit from active listening. Any person can arguably make their relationships better and understand the struggles or the day-to-day of others better if they take time to listen to what others have to share; or if they put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
“Even if you can’t yet be empathic, you can still learn to listen respectfully, assuming that what your partner says makes sense to them and needs to be respected, even if it doesn’t yet make sense to you,” Dr. Weiss emphasized.
#12
It’s not just that there’s a tiny minority of bad men, it’s that there are a large number of supposedly decent men who tacitly support the actions of bad men.
#13
The majority of us do not want to see your d**k pics so stop sending them! Especially unsolicited! Keep it in your pants buddy.
Image credits: jacquiwho
#14
That ignoring their mom being passive aggressive to their gf/wife is actually re-enforcing that behavior and harming their relationship…not keeping the peace.
Image credits: boboanimalrescue
#15
Just treat us like we are PEOPLE, not just women. That would fix a LOT of things.
Image credits: Droxalope_94
#16
I'm just being nice. I'm not flirting or interested in you.
#17
That when a man complains that "She needs to tell me what's wrong, I can't read her mind!" she likely already told him 100 times and is at the point where she stopped trying, because he never changed his behaviour regardless of what's been discussed.
#18
A lot of us don’t view you as protectors. I know that’s the image you have been sold since you were a child, but the people you are supposedly protecting us from come from the same group you do. And bad men don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m a bad man” so our caution has to be applied as a blanket policy. We don’t hate you, we just know that if something bad happens to us the first thing people will do is ask why we even “put ourselves in that situation”. It’s not personal.
Image credits: Aethereuz
#19
I know it’s not just women that this happens to, but not being listened to in an academic/professional environment. We have helpful insights to problems just like men, we are smart and creative and skillful too. I’m tired of having my intelligence underestimated and ignored.
Image credits: Enoughforfluffy
#20
Pregnancy and post partum is not easy. I’ve seen men make comments with women with hyperemesis “they throw up to not gain weight” l myself had it with my first child and I would want to die smelling cooked food. And felt like I had a violent hangover every day all day long.
Also now at my age underestimating how bad hot flashes are.
Image credits: --dee
#21
That period pains for 1 in 10 women can be worse than contractions at birth. we are not dramatic or overexaggerating. womens health is terribly lacking and underfunded and we are just surviving out here. It's not our fault and doesn't make us less of a person. extra help with food and cleaning around those pain attacks can mean the world to us.
Image credits: Bunnla
#22
If you are in a relationship with a woman and having issues in the bedroom, take a good hard look at how the other parts of your relationship are working. Chances are VERY high there’s a reason why the desire is dwindling that isn’t only s*x related.
Image credits: Maximum-Vegetable
#23
Sometimes men just don’t get how important it is to listen and validate feelings instead of trying to fix things right away it’s not always about solving problems, sometimes it’s just about being heard.
Image credits: bellaerayy
#24
We’re not trying to start arguments because we’re bored. You did something that upset us and we’re trying to communicate that to you. We don’t sit around thinking of problems just cause.
Image credits: Mobile_Screen4017
#25
How much our menstrual cycle affects us, not just the bleeding part. Hormones are a hell of a d**g. E: Not to mention hormonal birth control means we have to handle added hormones and side effects.
Image credits: Rubyhamster
#26
I think a lot of guys don't really get how if you act like an additional child to be taken care of at home then this is going to have a direct, deeply negative impact on whether your partner sees you as a f**kable competent adult down the line.
Read: this generally means doing your fair share of housework as another adult in the same household without your partner having to act as your manager. If you've been living here for 5+ years and the house isn't huge, you should generally have an idea of where xyz household item typically gets stored or how to do the laundry. That isn't to say that suddenly doing the chores will fix all your relationship problems, but it's generally a good idea to be like this from the beginning and be consistent.
This probably isn't that gendered irl but you see this crop up a lot in hetero relationships where somehow the gf has wound up doing most housework, childcare *and* also works full time and the dude maybe mows the lawn once a week or "does household projects" that somehow never actually get completed.
Image credits: cardamom-peonies
#27
Most adult women have incredibly high tolerance for pain. This can be due to a myriad of contributing factors like menstruation and child birth, but can also be contributed to by factors women do not want to speak openly about, like poverty (not able to afford care or treatment), abuse (mental, physical, sexual), or even fear of being labeled as weak or emotional every time they make a complaint.
If an adult woman in your life complains to you about pain or illness, please take her seriously. You aren't necessarily responsible for solving it, but showing a little compassion can really brighten their day. Yes, some women will not have a high tolerance, but it's definitely the minority.
Image credits: chillinn_at_work
#28
Groping your gf/wife constantly is not as hot as you think it is. We are objectified like that everywhere. Having it done to us at home, too, is a HUGE turnoff for a lot of women.
#29
Men having a smaller paycheck is fine, but them being insecure about it is REALLY unattractive.
#30
To the older men out there - menopause is a roller coaster of physical and emotional changes. Please educate yourselves about it and be supportive and patient.
Image credits: frisbeemassage
#31
That women aren't a monolith. Just because your ex liked x doesn't mean your new girlfriend will. Just because your mom likes x doesn't mean your aunt will. Just because your sister had light periods doesn't mean your friend is faking her pain. And on and on. Women are people and while they share common experiences, they have their own preferences.
Like 90% of the ask women threads are removed because they aren't asking women general questions about their experiences in being women. They're incredibly specific questions that they should be asking their girlfriend or their mother. (I. E. Will my girlfriend like x in bed, what should I get my mom for mothers day, etc.).
Image credits: Alcohol_Intolerant
#32
Stop hitting on people at work. They have to be polite for you and it forces them into a conflict.
#33
Sometimes I’m quiet because I don’t want to talk or have nothing on my mind. I also look out the passenger window when I’m a passenger because I like looking out the window. It’s not because I’m mad, it’s because when I drive I never get to look out the window!!!
Image credits: No_Support_7203
#34
Mansplaining is incredibly frustrating.
#35
That most of us don't actually like doing emotional labor all the time; we're just socialized for birth to provide that service for men.
#36
We deserve equal pay.
#37
That they need each other. I wish they could get past the programming or the perception that speaking to and loving their friends is not "weak" or "gay" or in any way a bad thing.
Too many men want women to fix them by providing them with the type of friendships women have between themselves, with the bonus of s*x. That's not how it works.
You are capable of (and very much should be) leaning on each other. Not us.
YOU CAN DO IT!
Image credits: The_Salty_Red_Head
#38
If a woman breaks up with you randomly one day … remember that she broke up with you months or even years ago in her mind.
#39
Stop taking "starting a family" so lightly. Creating a child is 99% a woman's work and 1% a man's pleasure. Put yourself in her shoes and think twice before pressuring her to have a(nother) child, or mocking her because she didn't bounce back. Pay some respect because you did absolutely nothing.
Also, since we don't live in a vacuum and we inherited gender roles, put much more effort in your family because I swear that your partner is doing way more than you think. You are not a fifty-fifty couple, especially if you have kids.
#40
You are allowed to cry and have any negative emotions you feel. You get sad, be sad. It is okay.
#41
Being independent doesn’t mean we don’t want love.
#42
Your jean pockets are much deeper than ours, hence our fondness in bags.
Image credits: delightful_baby
#43
That just because you have the girl doesn't mean you can't lose her, no matter how much they love you. You start to get so comfortable that you stop trying and start to treat them like an option.
Once they start to change with you it's not because we found another guy, we just put as much effort as you do or treat you like you treat us. Then we slowly fall out of love and we just stop arguing , stop complain. If we bring stuff up it's not an attack towards you . If you get defensive and turn it around on her. Then she will stop coming to talk to you. By the time you realize it we have already checked out.
#44
Being arrogant isn’t hot.
#45
Many men might not fully understand the pressure women feel to balance multiple roles in their lives, whether it's career, family, or social expectations. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes they just need support and understanding.
Image credits: Special_Display_7712
#46
That we understand you better than you far understand us. Not only are women generally given a lot more social training than men, and raised under the expectation of being empathic caregivers, but the male experience isn't really an avoidable one.
I grew up reading books and watching movies with male protagonists about male issues, not because I sought them out but because that was just the books and movies there were. Meanwhile the majority of movies don't even pass the Bechdel test. Understanding women is optional, the female experience takes effort to find and learn about.
I see reddit threads titled things like "Men, what do you wish women understood?" and its full of things that pretty much every woman has known for years whether we wanted to or not. We know what you feel. We know why you feel it. And we're stuck over explaining for the nth time why we're nervous around strange men.
#47
When i first met my now husband he didnt understand why women are scared of most men. it wasnt until i was harassed, stalked and humiliated by men that he completely understood, he apologized for never taking me seriously before.
it didnt take long for him to come to the realization, which honestly happened within the first few months of dating.but gross men being gross it happened a lot where we used to live, my husband has saved me many times, and ill always be thankful for him.
Image credits: gummiepad
#48
Saying things they don't mean because they think it's what we want to hear.
I don't care who responded badly in the past. Each person is a new page and they should not be held responsible for the transgressions of past partners. If you can't adequately separate the two, you should not be actively dating. Or, at the very least, have excellent communication skills and be able to talk through what is going on in your head.
It's exhausting getting the flip flop and whiplash of men who say one thing and then do the opposite a short time later.
Image credits: leese216
#49
At sex:
it's not because we show or tell you that what you're doing is good, that it mean "go faster and harder". NO!!!!
It means keep going and change nothing.
#50
The vagina is a naturally moist place. When we say we’re dry, don’t imagine skin dry. Imagine your mouth. Normally it’s a wet place right? But when we say we’re wet, it’s noticeable. Like you smell something delicious and you’re salivating so much you have to swallow. THAT IS WET. Not normal mouth feel wet.
#51
If I ask you if anything is wrong and you say “nothing” for situations where nothing is wrong AND situations where something is wrong, I’m gonna keep asking because you’ve conditioned me to think something is wrong when you’re silent.
And it is going to be literally as simple as a kind and caring “I promise you that I am honestly not upset” to ease my mind. If you get annoyed at my anxiety, it’s only going to make me think something is definitely wrong
And I put this here because I’ve never had this issue with my girlfriends. Just boyfriends and my dad.
#52
That fights never “come out of nowhere”. I just moved past this life lesson with my S.O. We generally get along and I let him lead the relationship. I also bring up concerns, that turn into conflict, that turn into problems because he was neglecting the need to acknowledge it and how it made me feel. It takes two ppl to have a relationship. Remember guys you can both be burnt out but how you handle and process is not how your partner does so. What could originally been “I wish you’d pay attention when I talk to you” turned into “you consistently neglected our relationship to the point I doubt if you care for your relationship or your partner, correct yourself or accept that you are liable to the consequences.” Don’t be that guy that brings a girl to that point.
#53
Menstruation jokes are never funny.
#54
We don’t need to be “saved.”
#55
That when we're ranting, having you listen and pretend to agree goes a long way. I don't want to hear how "It really isn't that bad" because right now, at that moment, it is THAT bad. That is why I'm talking to you about it.
#56
Male friends in particular;
How other men treat us when you're not around. It's a jarring difference.
#57
Men often don’t get how much we appreciate little gestures. Can be the most simple things, doesn't have to compliment a tight dress and lie how good it looks.
#58
For the single dudes. I’m only going to put in as much effort into this conversation as you are, and if you don’t seem to put much effort into having a conversation then I know you won’t for having a relationship. I’m not ghosting you because I’m an a*****e who has 50 different options. I’m ghosting you because you can’t even be bothered to google basic questions for getting to know someone.
#59
They are not as great at s*x as they think they are.
