We all want big personal change at the push of a button – but here is how to actually achieve it

‘As soon as my daughter sees the doorbell, she says: “I want to press button.”’ Composite: Guardian Design; ddoorly/Getty Images

I am emerging into the light after the first chapter of potty training our toddler. This involved not leaving the house for several days and gleefully shouting, “No more nappies!” as our daughter ran around bare-bummed and we began learning together how to get the poo and wee in the potty. I’m finding it a fascinating process – as well as messy, devastating and joyful. I learned a lot from reading Oh Crap! Potty Training, by Jamie Glowacki; one particular line hit me like the smell of new poo all over our cream carpet: “If you put pressure on the process, it will collapse.”

This is not only true of potty training. Sex, relationships, learning, play, recovery – these are processes that need to unfold in their own way and time, because under pressure they will warp, buckle and collapse. Understanding this is key to building a better life – but it is much easier to know this cognitively than it is to actually live it.