AILING BY
Watford are currently plummeting down the swanny at great velocity, so perhaps it’s no surprise that they’ve selected waterway enthusiast Roy Hodgson as their new manager. A master of long-term planning and leaving nothing to chance, Mr Roy famously went on a day cruise down the River Seine during Euro 2016 instead of scouting Iceland, and the in-depth stream-based observations gleaned on that crucial fact-finding mission will undoubtedly stand him in good stead for Watford’s upcoming battle against the current. Land ahoy!
Cap’n Roy has been away from football since bailing out of Crystal Palace at the end of last season. At 74, you could be forgiven for thinking we’d seen the back of the salty sea dog, and that he’d be taking the opportunity to plan another, longer cruise, perhaps with Ray Lewington again, a high-jinks episode of the Love Boat we’d pay top dollar to see. But that’s not Mr Roy’s true calling, and so he’s back, baby, eagerly clutching his compass, $extant, and the nautical and tactical charts that have navigated him from Halmstads to Malmö, to Örebro to Neuchâtel Xamax, to the Swiss national team. Oh he’s got methods up the yin-yang.
While fans of the Hornets frantically buckle in for a wild journey of wonder, they’ll spare a thought for the departing Claudio Ranieri, whose reign at Vicarage Road seemed doomed from the start, just like those of Gianfranco Zola, Giuseppe Sannino, Óscar García, Billy McKinlay, Slavisa Jokanovic, Quique Sánchez Flores, Walter Mazzarri, Marco Silva, Javi Gracia, Quique Sánchez Flores again, Nigel Pearson, Vladimir Ivic, Xisco Muñoz and Cap’n Roy. Factoring in an upcoming trip to fellow strugglers Burnley, the way Roy started at Palace with three straight defeats, and the hair-trigger patience of the Pozzo family, our shipping forecast is two months tops. All aboard!
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Join Scott Murray from 7pm GMT for hot Afcon MBM coverage of Morocco 2-0 Malawi.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I went to see where the people lost their lives and you see it’s a gate. That gate was supposed to be open. Because if it was open, they would have walked through and it was closed for inexplicable reasons” – Patrice Motsepe, president of CAF, says the crush in which eight people died and another 38 were injured outside the Olembe Stadium in Yaoundé, before Cameroon’s Afcon win over Comoros, was caused by an access gate being shut.
FIVER LETTERS
“Dear Mr Pozzo, I’m sorry to hear you’ve parted with your fellow countryman Mr Ranieri, but I always think it’s an ill wind that blows nobody good, and hence my letter. Recently I’ve had some problems holding down a permanent job, what with Covid and Brexit and some personal issues that need not detain us, so I reckon I’m well qualified for the vacant manager’s position at Watford. To be honest I don’t really know much about football, but again, as an optimist I think that means I might fit in well at your organisation. Also I’m only looking for something for three to six months. I look forward to your response” – LR Williams.
“Is this all part of your STOP FOOTBALL campaign?” – Sam Easterbrook.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Sam Easterbrook.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Wim Jansen, the former Feyenoord and Netherlands defender, who also won the Scottish Premiership title as Celtic manager, has died aged 75. “Johan once said, ‘Wim is one of only four men in the world who are worth listening to when they talk about football’’’ said a tribute from the official Johan Cruyff Twitter account.
Fiorentina fans have made death threats to Dusan Vlahovic in a series of offensive banners put up outside the club’s Artemio Franchi stadium. The Serbian striker is set to join Juventus with the clubs agreeing a €75m (£62.8m) fee.
Ralf Rangnick’s big Old Trafford clearout is gathering pace, with Anthony Martial set to join Sevilla on loan. Crystal Palace and Valencia are keen on Donny van de Beek, but Rangnick is reluctant to let the lesser-spotted Dutchman join another Premier League side.
England midfielder Jill Scott has joined Aston Villa on loan from Manchester City. “When we heard of Jill’s availability it was a no-brainer,” cheered manager Carla Ward.
Duncan Ferguson insists the Everton job will still interest elite managers despite their recent woes. “This is an attractive club for somebody but the first thing we need is to get results,” he roared.
The new chairman of Hull City has swiftly ushered manager Grant McCann through their door marked Do One. “I understand the timing may look odd, after two good wins, but I wouldn’t be fair or honest if I merely waited for a defeat to change manager,” honked Acun Ilicali.
A transfer coup for Danish side Lyngby, who have signed Mohamed Salah. Not that one.
And Wrexham have broken their club record by splurging £300,000 to sign AFC Wimbledon striker Ollie Palmer. The gang buys their way out of the National League.
STILL WANT MORE?
David Hytner on the pressure being ramped up by Antonio Conte on Daniel Levy to spend some serious wonga on strengthening Tottenham’s squad.
Will Derby County be saved? Ben Fisher has your primer on the Rams’ mess.
More misery, further down the pyramid, with Dover having almost clocked up a year without a win, as Paul Doyle details.
Richard Foster on why a good night’s kip is as important for players as training well.
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