There is an art to finding the right gift for someone you care about, especially in these trying times. What can possibly convey convivial holiday cheer while still acknowledging the major depressive episode we are collectively surviving? Well, this dancing cactus doll is certainly trying. At the press of a button, it does a succulent little sway and sings in Polish about how it’s depressed and wants blow. Yes, at this point in the pandemipocalypse, even our toys are sad and craving a little drug-induced euphoria.
The problem with this singing coke cactus is that it’s supposed to be an educational toy because it sings to children in multiple languages. When it was released this summer by a Chinese manufacturer called Emoin, it was marketed as such. None of the marketing mentioned that one of the songs the cactus sings is, “Gdzie jest biały węgorz?” a rap by Polish artist Cypis. The title translates to, “Where is the white eel?” in English, which is appropriate for children in exactly zero ways.
