If official figures are to be believed, women in Britain are having fewer children than ever – with the average fertility rate over a lifetime having hit its lowest since records began in 1938: just 1.44 children per woman.
It’s no surprise to me that the national birth rate is at a record low, and falling faster than any another G7 country. I’m 37, child-free… and living my best life.
I’m a yoga instructor and former school teacher living in south Wales with my husband… and we agreed early on in our relationship that having children wasn’t for us. I’d broken up with previous partners who wanted children.
So it was refreshing to hear on our third date that he was different. I never really felt the tug of parenthood, it was never a priority. Instead, I’ve prioritised travel and personal development. Not to say that you can’t have a fulfilling career and life with children, but they definitely make it more difficult and more expensive when living costs are high.
Parents often cite that their children bring joy to their life. We find joy in a lot of other places. We’re able to be a lot more free with our budget because more of our income is disposable. We’re not thinking about our legacy or leaving anything to children, we can spend our money on other things that enrich our lives.
While I recognise that my decision not to have a family could be perceived as political, I’m not among the women who have opted out of having kids because of climate change – the number-one thing we can do for the environment is to not procreate.
But I can see all the positives. I always say tongue-in-cheek that I don’t feel guilty flying because I don’t have children. I don’t always think that this is a great world to bring another next generation into.
And I’m not shocked at the dramatic drop of fertility rates for women in their twenties. I think that Gen Z is even a bit more sceptical about the future than millennials. On the flipside, more women choosing when and where to procreate is a win for reproductive justice and women’s rights.
These days, a woman’s identity is less tied up with being a wife or a mother, because there are other educational and career opportunities we can put ahead of family goals. We’re better educated, we have greater access to birth control, and it’s our choice if we don’t feel like getting married until later, if at all.
Stories about plunging birth rates are always seen through an economic lens. But I think that looking purely at the numbers is not looking at the prosperity of people. If people have a higher quality life because they’re choosing to spend their time doing things other than raising children, I think that is valid. More liberal immigration policies could solve some of the economic issues caused by women having fewer children.
Even now, I feel like a rebel. For the vast majority of history, women didn’t have bodily autonomy, and our worth was measured in our ability to be a good wife and mother. To not have children is still seen as a radical choice, though luckily we’re mostly past the stage of being burned at the stage – round us up, we’re witches!
I am not surprised that not wanting to be a mother is still of interest or intrigue. It frustrates me a little that my choice over my body is still up for discussion – but better than having such conversations in the very small, private backrooms where they used to happen.
