Your support helps us to tell the story
Victoria Derbyshire has told The Independent how her father used to beat her with a wooden spoon, hit her with a belt, and regularly beat her mother so severely that on one occasion he broke a rib.
Recalling the terrible domestic abuse her family suffered, the BBC journalist described how her father once threw scalding soup on her school uniform and put his hands around her throat.
The physical and mental abuse was so bad that Derbyshire, along with her mother, brother, and sister, left their home to stay with her aunt, only to return, as “life kept drawing us back”.
In a searingly honest interview with The Independent, Derbyshire said: “When I think about my childhood, it feels like domestic abuse was always there.”
She went on to detail how, although the violence wasn’t constant, it was a regular part of their lives. “It was so, so normalised. I don’t want to minimise it,” she says. “It was just a feature of us growing up – me, my brother, my sister, and my mum.”
The seasoned broadcaster spoke in unprecedented detail about her experience in support of The Independent‘s Brick by Brick campaign, in partnership with Refuge, which aims to raise £300,000 to build a safe house for survivors fleeing domestic abuse.
Be a brick, buy a brick and donate here or text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15
Boiling a kettle could set off dad’s rage
Although her father, who died in 2020, denied hitting his children, Derbyshire recalled a childhood where fear was a constant presence.
“We would hear my father’s key in the back door, and wherever we were in the house, we’d dash to our bedrooms and shut the door. We just didn’t want to be around him.” She described how the family lived on edge, “walking on eggshells” to avoid provoking his anger.
Derbyshire revealed that the abuse wasn’t limited to physical violence, and something as mundane as a boiling kettle could set off her father’s rage.
“If he came home and someone didn’t make him a cup of tea – it sounds pathetic, but he’d get angry. He’d shout that the kettle was boiling, so you’d have to come into the kitchen, because he wouldn’t switch it off himself.”
Derbyshire recalled how she would try not to flinch when her father struck out at her. “It was my way of showing him that I couldn’t be riled,” she said. One such occasion was when her father threw scalding soup over her.
“I just looked at him with contempt in my eyes – and he could see it. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t scream. I just got up, went to the sink and washed it off. It was my way of trying to show that he wasn’t affecting me.”
Despite the regular abuse, there wasn’t an obvious catalyst for the violence, and her father’s fits of violence were as inexplicable as they were unpredictable.
“He didn’t drink or anything. He never needed an excuse or an explanation, she said. “It’s like we’d always done something wrong and needed to be hit.”
Derbyshire later discovered that her father had been treated violently by his own father, but reiterated that nothing ever justifies abusive behaviour. “It doesn’t excuse it, doesn’t explain it. You have to break the cycle, don’t you?”
Dad broke one of mum’s ribs. The doctor’s note read: ‘Husband trouble’
One of the most stark moments Derbyshire recounted is when her father put his hands around her throat in front of her best friend. “He got me up against the pantry door, his hands around my neck. My best friend was there, shouting at him to get off me,” she revealed.
Despite the horrific abuse they faced, Derbyshire has stressed that her mother’s unconditional love and the bond between her siblings allowed them to survive, and maintain a modicum of normality.
“Thank God for Mum. Despite our experience, we’re pretty normal people. And that’s all down to her,” she said. “We used a lot of black humour too; it was one of the ways we dealt with it.”
Derbyshire also touched on how domestic abuse in the 1970s and 80s wasn’t treated with the severity that it is today. “We didn’t call it domestic abuse back then,” she said.
“That wasn’t a phrase I was aware of. Mum would never have gone to the police. She went to the GP after Dad attacked her, breaking one of her ribs. The doctor’s note just read: ‘Husband trouble’.”
We had to go home eventually – life kept drawing us back
The idea of leaving the house to escape the abuse wasn’t on the family’s radar – such are the practicalities that often work against survivors. “I don’t even think we knew about refuges we could have gone to,” she said.
“We moved out to go and live with my mum’s sister for a while, but it didn’t work out. She lived absolutely miles away, so it was stressful just going to school every day.”
“We had to go home eventually,” she admitted. “School, pets – life kept drawing us back.”
Reflecting on progress made since then, Derbyshire acknowledged that much has changed in how domestic abuse is handled, particularly by police.
“They’ve made so much progress. They have body cameras, they don’t interview the victim in the same room as the abuser – things have changed.”
In her career, Derbyshire is a vocal campaigner against domestic abuse. In 2020, she made headlines when she hosted the BBC news with a domestic abuse helpline number written on her hand, which quickly went viral. She is committed to breaking the silence and stigma around domestic abuse and believes that talking about it is vital for change.
“Honestly, telling my story doesn’t bring up trauma,” she told The Independent, reflecting on her decision to speak out.
“Domestic abuse can happen to you. It can happen to anyone. And it’s nothing to do with class or your job or money. If it helps to talk about it, then absolutely, I’ll talk.”
Derbyshire hopes that telling her story will raise awareness and spark change, helping survivors to feel more visible. “Honestly, it doesn’t bring up trauma,” she said.
“I’m not sure that I find it cathartic, necessarily, but I’m comfortable talking about it because domestic abuse doesn’t care about your class, or your job, or money or anything. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone – it could happen to you.”
Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign, launched by The Independent and charity Refuge, to help raise £300,000 to build a safe space for women where they can escape domestic abuse, rebuild their lives and make new futures.
If you or someone you know is affected by domestic abuse, you can contact Refuge’s national domestic abuse helpline for free, confidential support at 0808 2000 247.
