Newcastle TV star Vicky Pattinson was left in floods of tears after filming a documentary which included an emotional section on her issues with alcohol. The 34-year-old has been working on a television program with Channel 4 on her life.
The Geordie Shore celebrity made a heartfelt post on her instagram page after she said she’d watched the first cut of her new documentary “Vicky Pattison: alcohol, my dad and me...“ The show which is set to air this summer
Just after watching the show she posted a picture of herself looking like she’d been crying and said: “It’s not often I’m rendered speechless. But after watching the first cut of my new documentary with channel 4 today... That’s honestly what I am.”
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The show explores her father’s illness and how she has had problems with drink - something which had also affected her dad. Vicky said: “My dad’s illness & my own complicated relationship with alcohol is something that has had a profound affect on who I am as a person. At times, when I wasn’t in the best place- when I was abusing alcohol & depending on it I would lie awake at night wondering if this was just it- the start of that slippery slope.”
She explained that because her father had suffered from alcohol abuse she felt it was her destiny. Vicky explained: “In my darkest moments, I truly believed that it was just a forgone conclusion- that no matter how hard I tried to be something different, something more or something better... I was always just going to end up an alcoholic like my dad, hurting the people I loved & unable to break the toxic cycle.
“And for years, that’s why I pushed people away or had transient friendships - because I was so scared of getting close to people as I believed eventually I’d just end up letting them down & hurting them through my inevitable behaviour
“I feel so nervous about sharing something so raw & being so vulnerable with you all, but after seeing that sneak peek today I am so pleased I took that step... I want everyone to understand more about what it means to be the child of an alcoholic, I want everyone to understand more about addiction and learn more than just the negative narrative we’ve been spoon fed. It is an illness - and people suffering with it need our understanding, our kindness but also our strength too - I spent too long enabling a person I love and I know now that I was really only protecting myself.”
Vicky explained why she was being so honest: “More than anything, I want anyone struggling to know they are not alone and that they do not have to be defined by their mistakes, their parents decisions or their past...
“Mistakes, moments of weakness, stumbles... they are lessons, not life sentences - so remember that and don’t be too hard on yourself, or the ones you love... And move forward with compassion and understanding and the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.. I hope this documentary helps anyone struggling and I really can’t wait for you all to see it.”
Vicky Pattison: alcohol, my dad and me... Coming this summer to Channel4.
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