We find ourselves in delirious mid-August: a closing chapter of summer where the impact of multiple festivals, the odd holiday, and a lack of grown-up supervision at work combine to cause feelings of acute disorientation. TikTok has offered Gen-Z an antidote: being “very demure, very mindful, very cutesy”.
You might have seen Jennifer Lopez instructing you how to consume a fizzy drink “demurely”, or the White House’s official Instagram post a photograph of Joe Biden with the caption: “Cancelling the student debt of nearly 5 million Americans through various actions. Very mindful. Very demure”, and thought – what now? Which would be fair.
Consider it the comedown of the Charli XCX-pioneered 365 party Brat summer. Being demure is hiding behind sunglasses, being introverted and being proper. It is the Princess of Wales wearing Emilia Wickstead, not Julia Fox wearing sellotape.
The fad began with a TikTok guide-to office make-up by trans creator Jools Lebron (self-styled “miss demure”) at the start of the month. "See how I do my make-up for work?” she mews, satirically. “Very demure, very mindful." It has now clocked 42.6M, and spun into “DemureTok”. Search now, and find countless guides: from how to walk through airports and thank hotel staff demurely, to applying deodorant and eating pizza mindfully.
If you were to analyse it further, you could see it as a reclamation of the feminine — enjoying “ladylike”, polite, classy things in a mindful, demure way by choice and not by diktat. But overanalysis is not very cutesy.
Instead, consider dressing the part: toned down, not pick me. “It’s quiet luxury for real people,” says Harriet Elton, a stylist behind many Tatler and Harper’s Bazaar covers. “So poplin dress, with knitted jumper, woven sandals and croissant crumbs. It’s coy, not sexy, and leaves you wanting more. No bum cheeks or low cowl neck booby tops. Big sunnies to hide the hangover.” Hallmarks of the look can be found in the grown-up sections of Me+Em and Massimo Dutti, with long, monochrome dresses and ankle-length suede skirts. Giorgio Armani’s Queen Elizabeth II-esque bag, La Prima, is the brand’s hottest product (searches are up 71% per cent week-on-week per shopping app Lyst) and bang on. Celeste is a pin-up, so too are fans of Chloé, the French brand which, under the new leadership of designer Chemena Kamali, is dressing Sienna Miller and Suki Waterhouse in floaty, cover-up boho dresses.
As for boys (no, not excluded), menswear stylist Clementine Brown suggests “thinking of the perfect boyfriend you could bring home to your parents and what he might be wearing. Put together but not polished, neat but still a bit undone”. As for the shopping list: “a soft loose cardigan, vintage T-shirt (ironed, no holes) and a sturdy but subtle shoe — no hype trainers in sight”.
All that’s left is to seek out the demure in London. That’s no problem at all.
Very demure, very mindful things to do in London
- Visit the National Portrait Gallery on a weekday afternoon. Spend time staring at portraits of Queen Elizabeth I. Very mindful.
- Take yourself for an Exmouth Market supper alone. One glass of wine, three bits of cheese, a slice or two of cured ham. Very demure.
- Write a poem, perform it at a poetry night. These are cropping up across town. Ella Eckersley runs one, called The Live In, and says: “Sitting and writing a poem is like opening a tap to let certain thoughts and feelings out. That’s very mindful.”
- Anything picnic related. Very cutesy. All you need is a blanket, a book and some non-ultra-processed nibbly bits. Trekking to Richmond for this? Not like other girls.
- Playing pétanque. How French. How demure! Effortlessly chic, of course, and particularly cutesy when played in London Fields.
- Kew Gardens. Specifically, enjoying 45 minutes on the District Line before savouring a solo moment with the giant lily pads.
- The Bakerloo line is very demure, too. The way it takes you back in time, has small booths, and has its doors open slightly early. All very cutesy.
- Go to a board games night. At The House of Koko, Tara DuRoss throws a monthly backgammon evening. “ I couldn’t think of anything more demure and mindful than backgammon with friends,” she says.
- “Being at Chiltern till 6am is not very demure I’m afraid,” DuRoss continues. “Instead, get up early to go to the farmers market on a Sunday to get lots of cutesy and mindful produce.”
- Waking up at the crack of dawn to head to the Sunbury Antiques Market, near Twickenham.
- An afternoon spent in Hampstead. Can involve: wandering around the houses repeating how extraordinarily village-like it is, taking a gentle dip in the ladies ponds, or taking a turn around Kenwood House.
- Pottery lessons. Not painting pottery (too prep school), but pottery throwing on the wheel, very mindful. Same for flower arranging lessons, any museum course on offer.
- Walking about London with no headphones. Very mindful.
- Riding the Uber boat, per one TikToker, very demure. Not like the other girls.
- Visit the Princess Diana memorial in Kensington Gardens. Pay tribute to the queen of demure.
Dress the part
Mixed Media Maxi Dress, £136, meandem.com
Suede leather midi skirt, £299, massimodutti.com
Fable x Natural History Museum, necklace, £28, fableengland.com
The Boyfriend Shirt, £95, withnothingunderneath.com
The Margot, £425, gdmonaco.com
